I am so tired. So, I started to get more tired by the third week of Ramadhan. They say it's because of the lack of sleep and the low sugar finally catching up and crashing on our body. I got more morning shift at the end of Ramadhan so I can go to surau for teraweeh which helps a lot to keep my spirit up. Then come Eid. We went to my husband hometown in Lenggong and it was so hot. It made me feels so demotivated to do much. Then, I had to work during third and fourth of Eid. Afterwards, I get to cuti some more to spend time with my side of the family. We went to Cameron Highlands. We planned it well so it wasn't too crowded but I did get my period while I was there so I still got so tired. Now I'm back at work and literally counting the hours to my next off days eventho I have noon shift but I didn't sleep in. I just don't feel like it even tho I still feels so so tired.
It feels like forever being so damn tired. I'm just so tired being tired 😩 😩 😩 😩
I think I needed a good massage to get my body just let loose. Somehow, it feels like it still clings to staying up and about when I should be letting loose and relax.
I realize that my body is so tune to be that way because I used to work for almost three years like that. Always on the go, on the edge. This new job is way more relaxed. However, I feel like since I have more free time, I owe this "freedom" for more behind the scene efforts like more data analysis, more training and stuff and just doing whatever possible to stay moving. I just don't know when to stop. Even tho my mental load is a whole lot lighter now, I still be creating new ones either to fill this freedom or just in the name of living "the" life - ie I have more time now, let's read a lot or do more creative things or cook more.
I got into this realisation when I want to design my work planner. I feel like my old planner is not doing it anymore. So I go through my thought process in doing work and try to come out with ways so that I can adjust accordingly to be more relaxed. I want to be more present at work too even if it means to bersembang saja instead of having multiple tabs in my brain thinking/planning and lost track of what's in front of me. I also finds that it hinders me to think more strategically too.
So the mantra here is to live more relaxed but present. Doing things more intentionally. I know I'm able to do more of these now than I did before but I still didn't feel really connected to it. It just feels robotic instead of intentionally chosing this way so I'm living the kind if life that I want.
INTENTION.
I think this is what I lack the most. Need to start things with Nawaitu. A more intentional ones.
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