Poem: Secret Crush

Poem: Secret Crush

Aug 23, 2016

You are an adoration,
Brightly; vividly,
A constant liveliness.

I am, still am, not knowing if I would stop,
Has guiltily enthralled, bit of spellbound,
With your pure soul but a mess of mischief,
With your glorious smile yet a wall up roguery,

You're not playing by the rules,
Oh so ever a blatant fool,
Am I ever will cease this drool.


###

p/s: my poems were all about crush and stuff. i am a boring kind of person.

Roll On: Cikgu Afifah, LOL (Part 2)

Roll On: Cikgu Afifah, LOL (Part 2)

Aug 16, 2016

I saw a dead cat this morning.

Yesterday, i was so worn out i literally drop dead by 8.30pm and only wakes up at 3am.

I haven't been blogwalking for a very long time.

I still have this nagging feeling about teaching when the salary was only RM600.

Well, maybe it keeps bothering me because i am constantly out of my comfort zone. This one particularly is all over out of my zone.

I don't have any peers.
I am teaching which is obviously not pharmacy.
I am teaching and that itself is a very new thing.
I keep on moving from class to class that when I got some free time I try to get on the study materials. Then, I also need to check the student work so I would understand them better. So i become this quiet new substitute teacher that always kept to herself.
The students were quite left behind and when I rechecked the student plan stuff it turns out I have to teach them everything before then end of September which is in other words before I finished.

I worries too much isn'it?

Having said all of these, I realized that I have this satisfaction that somehow I can help to mold the future. Quite exaggerating but yeah. I mean I can relate and explain all sort of life lesson since I am teaching Sejarah and Bahasa Melayu. At that point I understand why teaching is such a noble job and why a lot of people wants to do it. Teachers got first hand influence to teenages, the futures. They have understood what the world has to offer and it is their chance to prepare the students better.

However, as I say, CHANCE. Teachers have been blessed with this chances.

I am still all clueless at all places. Buku rancangan pelajaran things helps me to teach accordingly but since they were left behind I have to be faster. Sadly, the student might have some problems since they never really been doing stuff before. So, there's that and yeahh.

I am still a mess. I just need to whine and find my inner peace. This job offers a lot to me. I have the chance to experience handling teenagers as well as to makes friends with adults. It gets me to involve and mingle with the society better. I learned to become more self dicipline. During my industrial training we didn't get to do much so this would help me better to adapt myself in work ethics. Most importantly I can still cooked lunch and recite the quran with my sisters. It just so satisfying to still have those chances.

In the meantime, I should also figure out doing part time job in a community pharmacy as well. There were no vacancy available so I might just have to ask them and explain my situation.

But for now, I am teaching how to make a karangan fakta and i asked the students to prepare beforehand. Guess what, it will be about safe medicine use.

I am awesome.

Roll On : Cikgu Afifah, LOL (Part 1)

Roll On : Cikgu Afifah, LOL (Part 1)

Aug 13, 2016

Heya.

So, the other day, like last Tuesday, a friend of mine was telling us that her mom was looking for a replacement teacher at our former highschool. The salary was only RM600 (usually it would be at least RM1000++) and we need to teach sejarah and bahasa melayu (form 1 and form 2) for about two months.

Despite the very low salary, the job was quite tempting. Since i'll be teaching in the afternoon, I can still cook lunch for my family and went for jogging in the morning. I really have nothing better to do in the afternoon anywayyyy.

So, i was like, lets give it a try, its not like i would surely gets it. Her mom asked for those who are interested to come to the school the very next day. APPARENTLY, i am the only one who say would come and long story short, my friend called at 12pm saying that I need to start teaching that very day.

THE VERY NEXT DAY AFTER I THOUGHT LIKE HEY THIS MIGHT BE FUN LETS GIVE IT A TRY.

yeah. This could be the very example of having a 360 degree life change happen so suddenly. *dramatic sound effect insert here*

Anywayyyyyyy. It really does turn out as I thought it will. I can spend my time doing better things and can still do the chores and stuff. The time gaps between classes allows me to do a bit of revision and rancangan pelajaran and stuff so I don't think that I'll be bringing the job home. I walk a lot since all the class we at different buildings and was sweating like crazy. Thanks God they have air conditioner in the teacher's room. But yeah, the small salary kind of making me feeling like mehhhh.

The experience however was priceless. The satisfaction as well.

But yeah, small salary. It was a bit turnoff.

And it kinds of depressing that the teachers were mostly in their 40's so I was like how to become frenzy with them?

I need to find the teachers and asked thems stuff (teach me what/how to teach) but at the same time it felt extremely awkward when they were having conversation and there i was, in silence, studying, not knowing how to mingle, like the topics was about things that i don't know. Mehhh.

I got some improvement last Friday that i am fairly proud of. Little conversation was made. Yay me!

I hope i'll get better.

Pray for me.

Roll On : I'm Graduating!!!!!

Roll On : I'm Graduating!!!!!

Aug 4, 2016

I am graduating. For real. I passed all papers and i am graduating.

ALHAMDULILLAH!!


And i'll go for that boring graduating ceremony. This is for mak and walid. For me. For my siblings.


ALHAMDULILLAH.


#misijubahturqoise

Roll On: Cooking Tricks for NOOB

Roll On: Cooking Tricks for NOOB

Aug 1, 2016

I've cooked like the laziest lunch ever today. We have lamb and i chose to sort of grill it (using pemanggang ajaib, it's a thing, googled it) and make a soup. Nadia wanted salad so we have raw vege for lunch. We have some mayo that i used to make the dressing. Basically, the reason i say it is the laziest lunch because i can simply let it be on the stove and just wait. I don't even put any onions into the soup because i'm too lazy. It turns out good since it is lamb. The meat itself tasted rich.

I am not a really good cook and the fact i'm doing this post is because i am NOT a good cook. It is the little tricks that i've learned that would help me a lot if i learnt it sooner. So yeah, that is why the tittle was like that. I'm still a noob.

Bear in mind that these are good tips for Malay food and it tasted good for me. So you might want to try it first and decide if you think it tasted good for you too.

1. If you want to fry chicken or fish, instead of only use turmeric powder and salt, put some flour. It made it crunchier.

2. When frying, use low fire (i don't think this term is right but i don't know the real term, so...). You need to cook it longer but it will taste better.

3. Try to use oyster sauce when frying your vegetables. We have gotten used to bland taste for our veges so usually we will not put salt afterward.

4. Catfish will cause the hot oil to splash when frying so please put on lid during frying.

5. When you cook rice using the electric cooker, switch it off when it has cooked. Or else it will cause the rice to stick to the pot.

6. When you cook rice using stove, turn the stove off when the water have dried and the rice was still moist and watery a bit. Of course you need to make sure the rice is not like raw (ie not enough water or cooked too fast). Then put a lid on the pot and took some cloth to cover the whole thing. Let it for some time, the rice will continue to cook nicely with no burnt rice. Hoorayyyy. Mak ngah told me this.

7. Always know the right way to cook a certain food. Especially fish. There are some way of cooking or a specific dish that fit a particular type of fish. Like for example i never enjoyed "ikan kerapu" being fried but loved it steamed or made into soup. Many agreed with this.

8. Don't overcooked vegetable until it become mushy. I think this tips is fairly obvious but i still want to stress it out. Vegetables tasted great as it is and overcooked it will destroy the taste. Chose stir fry! Of course you need to make sure hard vegetables like carrot to be sliced smaller.

9. If you are too lazy to remove the seeds out of the dried chili, cut it horizontally or into long half. Wash it under water using drainer that big enough to let the seeds drained out but not the chili itself. I got one and it is freaking awesome. In case you all wondering, i have not yet found the perfect way to remove the "hot" sensation when washing the chili bare handed.

10. Don't wash the chili barehanded or you will suffer.

11. Soup always tasted better if you let it simmer for a long long time. Since soup always tated quite bland, spice it up with cinnamon and nutmeg.

12. Don't be too strict on the recipe. You don't always need everything. There is this cooking show called Hugh's 3 Good Things. Basically they believed thata good dish always need three main ingredients. I consider Malay's food and the rule still does applied well. Don't troubled yourself to get everything.

13. Slow cooked omelette also tasted great. Whisk it longer to get it fluffier.

Does this help? I sure hope so!

Anyhoo, my last post, that i meant to made public though i'm sure it is not publicize enough, i still didn't check it! I'm quite embarrased.

Have you all heard Closer (The Chainsmoker and Halsey). It is dope!

Dean-mon. I don't own this but of course have it saved in my phone.

Roll On : Did I touch your soul?

Roll On : Did I touch your soul?

Jul 28, 2016

I'm going to "advertise" this post on my Instagram, Twitter and Facebook because i am an attention seeker and partly because I want to convey this message to my friend as well.

Does an attention seeker admit he/she is an attention seeker and did you actually thought i am indeed an attention seeker? You see, now i'm confused with myself, am i an attention seeker?

I realized some things yesterday, as if yesterday, my birthday, yesterday my birthday kind of yesterday. My birthday is on 27th July. Yes, yesterday birthday yesterday. I am officially a graduating (insyaAllah) 23 years old stupid, self centered and hopeless girl whose birthday is yesterday.

Anyway, back to the realization.

Firstly, i don't actually expecting my birthday and only come to realize that it is my birthday when my darling Nabila wishes me. She is a 10 years old girl that thought a birthday is an important thing and the fact she remembers mine shows a lot how she is capable to love.

Secondly, days before my birthday, i was going through Facebook, trying to switch off the birthday notification. I never like FB to announce my birthday. At first I thought that I don't want to feel that I am a nobody since i am sure not much will bother to wish me and i will feel rather hurt. Talk about low self esteem there. Sometime i thought it is a personal thing and i dont FB to remind everyone. Also i don't want to be thanking people who i dont really know who simply gave a HB. But the best reason i would say because I myself don't remember my friends birthday much and not particularly inclined to celebrate it except for a certain peoples. To tell you the truth, I think i chose to celebrate for some is because i know it will make them happy and not because i thought birthday is a festive to venture on.

Thirdly, i dont do birthday. I hardly do any celebration that I deemed not necessary. All those Muslim festives, that i do. It is a good and meaningful event that I truly set to celebrate but birthday was like mehhhhhh.

Lastly, i actually DON'T switch it off. The FB notification i mean. I can't find it and simply thought that i might have switch it off for good last year. I don't think i get much wishes but the few i got was so dearly endearing. It come from all of those I have known personally and the wishes they gave are just what I thought how they will actually do it because they were being themselves and that is all i ever wanted.

There are those that didn't wish me and it is quite weird because i always have thought that it is a deemed responsibility. To wish birthday. Well, i know i don't do it much but I always thougt my circles were those of saint thus do take this responsibility. Or maybe i am that much of a nobody. Yeah.

I thought it is quite liberating that i acknowledge these four realization which actually don't really matter much to why i want to do this post but well, babbling is fun.

I always thought i am quite insignificant. I mean, it is not like i pity myself. I just always kept to myself and known to have a harsh approach to things. I thougt i am harsh because my friends were friggin saint. It is quite exagerrated but it truly is. I am lucky to know them although some might thought being too kind is not always good but damn, they were extremely saint that i envy the amount of patience they have.

It just that I don't really know how to be friends to others. I think it is simply because the passion i have don't actually match other. Some people try to fit in, i tried too, i really do, but it's hard to be something that i don't particularly enjoy. Or maybe because i'm a hard person. Or too picky.

I went a rather very long long longgggggg way of think about stuff, like these ramble. Why? I like to understand myself.

The other day, there is this quote i read saying that when we love a particular character in a book, it is a true kind of love because we love them for how they were. Like the way they think, their habit, their insecurities and happiness and etc etc. That we are in love with their soul. I like this quote, it makes me giddy.

So when i understand myself, i think it help me to understand other. Like fitting into their shoes. Or at least by the way i have potrayed myself to others thus allowed me to understand what they might have understand from that. This world is a big play and we are our own main character.

Seeing those birthday wishes, realizing the sincerity behind it, knowing the beautiful person who thought it and understanding that somehow people has appreciated me for whatever things that i may not actually deserved, it makes me happy. It made me grateful. For all flaws i have and stupidly awful at keeping friend, i still have these moment which i really do appreciate. That i can call as my own.

It is not only these wishes really. It is everything. Knowing people and trying to understand them has teaches me a lot. It made me think a lot and i like it. I like to know it. To understand it. To realize how a particular moment may touch deeply into my soul.

I can only thanks Allah so much for these wonderful experience. Even more grateful for the joyous ones. Too grateful to be given the chances to know these people and somehow been appreciated by them. That my petty life has been acknowledge into their life. I do nothing but Allah gaves me this and it is precious. My precious.

I told my friends when we have this last gathering that they shouldn't let anything let them down because they are wonderful. They are wonderful, victorious and strong. I truly, religiously believe it, though some say they do not see it. Heck, I may not be able to speak the words of this wonderful belief i have in them but i do hope they believe me.

You don't understand the depth of understanding i tried to reach upon people in my life and how when i say they are who there are is actually truly what i believe.

So, did you found your soul?

Did i touch your soul?

Happy 23rd birthday Afifah. Improve yourself. Truly believe in yourself. Reach the stars and remind yourself to always be humble. Love Allah. Live for Him.