Babbling

Roll On : Hippies.

6/12/2016Nurul Afifah

I like bright lights, preferably natural, plain blank cream walls, spaces, wide empty space. I dont believe in those fancy sofa. I believe in comfy and worn out couch that I could call my second bed.

I like mosque. It brings peace. Calming. Make you lost. The good way. I could just sit there and look into peoples, into nothingness and feel blessed. Blissfully calmed.

I hate that I am rather addicted to coffee that these study weeks during fasting felt surreal. Dreamy. And I only "wake up" upon breaking my fast with surely to have some coffee since if not, I'll still be dreamy during terawikh.

I think it might not so like needy. I'm much alert as my friends. I'm addicted to the alertness. Even the taste wakes me.

I love coffee.

I like it that I hate to go to convo. From as long as i remember, i only thought it as troublesome. I wonder what my friends would think if i simply missed it for the sheer comfort of my home.

I don't do small idle talk. Particularly with strangers. I do love knowing people though. But it must be interesting enough, to give something to me when I do give the effort for it.

I reads some Destiel fanfic. There are some which were really really really good. In par with John Green novels that I have read. Destiel was more into knowing soul. Particularly since Castiel was always potrayed to be out of the world. Eccentric. He is a special something different. Whom is having a beautiful soul. Dean was always the flawed ones but ever the kindest of heart. They always focus, or maybe I do love the ones which potrayed it that way, how beautiful they are as persons and how they fit. It's was such a beautiful bond. I was left wanting a friend like that. I never felt like wanting a lover at all.

I likes different things from what my peers always do. They say it was something as having to be so western like. I really loves that I have this side instead of whatever side they have. It have given me the chances to explore more. Learn more. To understand more about myself.

But, it does left us with nothing to talk, nothing for sharing my earnest passion. Like how I like words and the beats in Inside Out by Chainsmokers and how I like to be quiet, shutting the world and still want to be by someone side. I can't share theirs. I don;t understand thus i don't know how. Even huh?

I'm excited to graduate and to start dwells into things that I hope would excite me. Though i'm aware that adulthood is though as fuck.

But, from the pace i'm studying right now, i really hope that i don't fail.

Giving constant effort is hard. Like this Ramadhan when I really want to do some changes. Dicipline was never my forte. Constant effort is hard. Craving coffe was a total turn off.

I'll keep trying though. Keep on praying.

Like Nabi Zakaria, earnestly pray and trust Allah to give him child but never was too hopeful because he has always trust Allah is giving him the best. Yet he continue to pray with so much patient and hope and trust.

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