My Mind Is So Loud

Jan 13, 2020

To be honest, I'm not really sure what to write. There are lots of stuff in my head right now and it has been this crowded for weeks. I can't focus. That was why I hardly update my blog lately. I've been going out quite frequently and whenever I got time to myself, I feel this need to scroll something on phone or watch Netflix. I can't focus to chill or read or write. My mind just won't be at peace.

I notice that I keep on putting it away, not really trying to understand and address it. I realize that it has now occupied me. I'm just not at ease. I'm either feeling this void that I need to feel or utter excitement. That is what so weird about it. I am not sad or wistful, I'm just in this void of feelings which awfully needs an active distraction. It wasn't bad but I guess keeping myself busy with stuff wasn't really my way of coping. Writing it does. So now let me spill everything out!





First of all, I've been feeling lost in my work. It grows mundane. Going in and out. I need to try and do more and I just got this idea to work on a mini-project that I hope can be useful for my colleagues as well. What's amazing is that this mini-project will make me read more and learn. Learning is a powerful thing to do and I hope it will make me sharp and the satisfaction will encourage me to do more.

Secondly, I need to address how my circle of friends at work has been a great wonder. I'm proud of the bond we have created which was created rather unexpectedly. I keep on thinking how lucky I was. If I didn't try to open up more, if I didn't try to get out of my comfort cocoon, if I didn't try to just do everything however spontaneous, we might have not created this strong of a bond. It was so precious since I never thought we could work this kind of friendship here at work. Especially when I have been feeling that I am alone with no one to click with since forever. Just last Monday I meet up with some friends from PKD just to chill after two of them got their contract result. They didn't get a permanent post as well. I am happy that we can be there for each other's support. While last Friday we went to try a new place here and one of my friends (who is quite childish) insisted that only our "gang" should go so she made us keep our lunch date a secret. It was so stupid but I got along with it and then it ended up with me not sharing that delicious nasi arab review on my Instagram #lol

Oh ya! I've been Instagramming! It didn't feel as suffocated as it does before. I guess it was because I wanted to earnestly know what has been happening with my friends and also just to have some other form of interaction with my colleagues as well. I made the most random stories and although it does leave this nagging feeling that I am oversharing but I just shut that voice up and focus on how good I was feeling. But I really do need to cut out socmeds since I have been using it to shut out how loud my mind was being. It was so loud that I can't focus on reading.

I can't focus on my reading! I have started 2020 with IQ48. The book is 1157 pages thick with the smallest print ever. But as usual, Murakami's work always sends me to my warmest escape and it is just so addicting. But if I can't just chill, I won't ever finish it.




I can't focus on writing poetry too! I want to write so badly. Sometimes the urge comes and the words feel so close but when I got my pen and paper, I just can't work it through. It was so damn annoying and frustrating.

It also messes my sleep. My body got tired but I can't just go and sleep. I always feel all worked up and even though I made myself leave my phone and just closes my eyes, I can just simply go to sleep. I usually got my most decent sleep at home and now I can't wait to go home so I can catch my sleep. I keep on waking up late this week and having my periods just make it worse. 

The next thing to address is I am now a skincare freak. I spent quite a lot this month on skincare products and I am due for peeling treatment tomorrow. Skincare is expensive and I also bought some for my sisters and I still keep on spending. I need to share my haul during Watson's cosmetics sale and the just recently ended Guardian's 40% discount on skincare products. I'm now officially stopping experimenting and will keep on using a range of products for my daily routine. I am so excited to share it but it won't ever be shared if I didn't pull myself together. #ripmoney

I have finally changed my cracked windscreen and also put a new tint film on both windscreens and rear window glass. That is some serious money as well but it does make me feel so good. I just can't get enough of my car #lol. I'm sorry for being this annoying but for god sake, I have been living with the cracked glass for monthssssssssssssssssss. It feels good cause I feel like I'm finally being a responsible car owner. I'm eyeing this cool gray car's carpet but that will have to wait because my cracked phone is due for repair. I got a feeling that I will make it cracked again so I'm putting it behind until February's paycheck. It's funny how the horrendous crack on my phone doesn't really bother me.



I really need to plan my money well.

Oh ya, I think I also need to address my crush. My on and off crush and now slightly on but not so on oh my god whatever. I understand that it is just a mere crush but I like how giddy it makes me feel. So I'm going to revel in it for a while. 

Lastly, two of my friends are most likely to moves out to a new place. It wasn't official yet but we have strong reasons that their application will be approved. This has been bugging me for the last two weeks. I'm trying so hard to be chill about it. It wasn't easy since both of them were my housemates. Not only I'm going to miss their company but I'm also loving my current rented house. I ain't paying the whole house rent alone, for sure. I'm still indecisive to either stay for a month with the reduced rent (our landlord was so nice to cut the rent until I got new housemates) and sees if I can get new housemates or just moves out to a new place that rent out per room. The chances of getting a new housemate are slim to none though. Not to mention staying alone in this house could be awfully boring. 

I hope I have written everything down. 

I actually got the whole week off so let's hope the comfort of my home will do wonders.


musing 2019

Jan 1, 2020

We went to Teluk Intan hoping there will be some fancy countdown-to-2020-fireworks but there was nothing. We spent the holiday trying out food around Sekinchan, went crazy at Watsons, play some bubbles at Pantai Redang and just having a good time. Amidst the fireworks being a no show, New Year has kick-off well. Well enough that I feel that I can do this now.

2019 was supposed to be "the" year. It was supposed to be my life-changing year after my PRP-ship.  You see, I have never believed how a year is like "hard" or how New Year means it is a time to be "making resolutions" because time is a construct. Everything just happens. Either at your will or the other way around. Or never. But god, 2019 was a rough one. 

Wow, I have never thought that I'll have this kind of opinion.




I am not recapping 2019's resolutions or what I have done in 2019. It wasn't because I'm ashamed of it. I aced some and failed some and just neglected another lot. I just don't feel like it. It feels useless. Everything was done already. 

For the past week, I have been musing to write how 2019 has been. I've gone through my gallery to see all the pictures and I even check the year's timeline at Google Maps. I've gone through Twitter to look for this one picture this evening and accidentally saw that a lot more has happened afterward. What happen is that it feels okay to keep it to myself. No best nine for me.

What I want to tell about 2019 instead is how I have been. I want to tell how I was going all over with my writing. How I've been trying to connect more with my friends. How I try to be more open up and just accept myself for who I am. How music, books, and movies have been my most beautiful escapes. How I made myself tries out more new stuff. How I have been feeling like a total loser but now I'm not. How I am fearing the kind of person I might turn out. How amazing it was to be a skincare enthusiast. How much I can love or I can't love. How scary it feels knowing my future isn't yet set but at the same time excited for a new adventure. How I hate myself for some stuff and how I love myself trying hard to not succumb to it. How simple life can be if only you choose it to be.

I was really getting to know Afifah better. 

But it will be a long and unnecessary story to tell. It is unnecessary because deep down I know that I've got all that resolved already. No cliffhangers. One thing for sure is that I lived in 2019 by the day and hold no loose ends. Except for my car loan.

I am not doing resolutions again. 2019 will be my first and my last. 

But I can still read through my tag "2019" to review how 2019 has gone by. Maybe I can learn some from it.

Maybe one day.

For now, I need to think about which baju batik I need to wear tomorrow.




p/s - I took one hour to write this




It's December So Goodbye Crush and 2019

Dec 28, 2019

I wanted to do a recap of 2019 but that will have to wait. I have a few instances where I can sit down and update my blog accordingly, heck, I even made a draft for November but as you can see by now, nothing was published for almost six weeks. 

I'm not sure what I want to really write at the moment but I guess I can start by recapping December.




So in the first week, I two days off which is on Monday and Tuesday. I have stayed at home for the whole time. We were supposed to go to Langkawi but Walid wasn't feeling so well. I was so glad to be staying at home  I did some tidying up, play Plant vs Zombie, cooked and I even went fishing one night which is so boring. 

On Wednesday, we had the day off since it was Sultan Selangor's birthday and I have planned to spend the day with two of my friends that work here with me. We went to KL and play laser battle and this escape game called Hauntumy. It was such a good day.  We even managed to have our lunch at Sopoong. The bingsu was so good! On weekend, I went on an ad hoc trip with my housemate which was initially to either just go for some sightseeing or watch a movie but ended up doing some facial treatment and foot massage. We even somehow managed to assemble seven peoples at the very last minute for dinner.




On Tuesday of the second week, we have our end of the year feast which I was somehow in charge of doing the backdrop. I was rather excited, to be honest, and it was amazing how diligent I was. Oh yes, fun story, I bought this large bolster pillow for our gifts exchange and if it wasn't because of my friends helping me wrapping it, I was so going to just buy something else and ideally, have it wrapped right away.




On the weekend of the third week, I had a fun run event at Jeram. We stayed there for one night and tries out this Aroma Ikan Bakar which is somehow so famous. The Ikan Tiga Rasa is good but sadly it was cold when we get it. We made a reservation and was told it will be "half-cooked" and "cooked fully" when we get there. Apparently, it got cold in seconds. The sotong goreng tepung is good too. It was heartbreaking that it got cold. On the other hand, I got to taste Family Mart's curry oden which is so good (this got "so" cause it is hot).

The next big thing is that we had an impromptu get together on Christmas Day. My friend was like, "Doing makan-makan could be fun on Christmas" and somehow it got full-blown with oden, two types of spaghetti, fruit cocktails, brownies, and even pizza! It was done at my friend's house. His husband, who was the doctor there, was so cool to join us playing the games. I ended December with a weekend shift that is how December was spent.

It feels like just a few days before when I notice that I won't go back home until next year and now it is already the end of the month.

This month was physically demanding and to my surprise, it was emotionally exhausting too. This feels stupid but I got this crush which just goes wild for the past month but now I suddenly don't have one?

It probably got wild since it is the wedding season while I'm having the most stupid crush. It is so stupid. I guess in between pondering about it a little bit too much, trying to detox him out of my life plus accepting the truth that it just won't work out somehow finally knock some sense into me that "Hey, he is just a really good friend who happens to be a guy". Not to mention the regular family issues, the fact that 2019 is ended but I don't stick to any healthy lifestyle as I wanted to, my poor financial skills and of course the fact that everyoneisgettingmarriedbutIdontwanttobutohmygodwhatiamdoingwithmylife as well.

p/s - I think I just want to be like 50kg kind of thin in 2020
pp/s - Ejen Ali is such a good movie




Hannan Medispa Review (Part One)

Nov 12, 2019

This is going to be so long and I needed to also explain my reasons of why I did what I did.

I got a minor breakout that started before Ramadhan but it got worse like a month after Raya. It's not a full-blown out one but the one around my left jaw was so bad. It keeps on coming back again and again. There are a few reasons why the breakout happens but it was mainly because I didn't have a solid skincare routine as I should have since I didn't want to continue my medicine. I should have continued my isotretinoin for like another year but I'm just so tired to go again. The typical course should last for at least six months but the doctor at Klinik Dr. Ko says that I need to take it longer to prevent further breakout. I was surprised she wanted me to take it for that long plus there isn't any regular blood check-up that should have been done when taking isotretinoin. I think she didn't know that I'm a pharmacist. But at that time I'm just so tired already but I do plan on continuing a regular skin care treatments.





This time around, Hanna Medispa was just opened near my home. It was good timing, isn't it? I went there and specifically asked for not to be started on any oral medication. 

Ok, I'm not against medications. I'm a pharmacist for god's sake. I just hated the commitment I need to give in eating my medicine and getting refills and trying to schedule a blood test because Klinik Dr. Ko didn't do one.

Back to Hannan Medispa. 

I went there and asked for acne treatments available and was hoping for the regular deep facial treatment with salicylic acid. I forgot the initial treatment they wanted to suggest to me because I agree with this 6 + 2 package that they have for acne. It cost RM1.6k and I agreed for three reasons.






  1. Being acne-prone is a disease and I decided I needed a regular and professionally done skin treatment in order to maintain my skin health. This package offers me eight treatments which will last for several months and I remembers that skin treatments at Klinik Dr Ko costed aroundRM150 to RM300 per session so this is quite a good offer. Plus, as I have said before, I don't want to eat medicine so this is the next choice that I have.
  2. I've been meaning to try Hanna Medispa for the longest time since it provides varieties of skin treatments and its founder is an actual medical doctor so I believe the treatment would be scientifically proven. Again, going into eight sessions will give me better experience to give opinions.
  3. The packages include their moisturizer, cleanser, serum, and sunscreen. Each costed almost RM100 each. I wanted to try their products as well so this is my chance.

Actually, there is a fourth reason why I chose this but it was more like an added benefit that an actual reason. Unlike Klinik Dr Ko, Hannan Medispa have Janus Facial Analysis System machine. I wanted to have my thoroughly analyze and it cost RM50 per session. However, the price is included in the RM1.6k so I got to see my skin progress at each visit.

Ok, now for the treatments. It will start by meeting their staff (I'm not sure what they are called, probably beauticians?) and they will analyze my skin both hands-on and using the Janus machine. From there on they will decide which solution I would need. The first six treatments which focus on treating my acne will revolve around the use of these "solutions". As I started to use their salicylic acid cleanser my skin gets very dry and so for the second session, they use mandelic acid which is milder. The focus was to dry out the acne and kills it. It was best for me to come every two weeks. I have then used Cetaphil and their salicylic acid as needed in order to maintain my skin to not become too oily but at the same time not to dry. 

oily skin 101 - if your skin becomes too dry, it will produce more oil



I have two more sessions. As my acne cleared by the fifth session, instead of having six-session focusing on acne, they change it for something that my skin will need.

The acne treatments was a simple cleansing and scrubbing (they use the peeling ones instead of the cleanser based scrub), applying the solution (please refer back to my appointment card - SA is salicylic acid, MA is mandelic acid, GP is glutathione peel and I forgot what MP was lol) and when the solution did it magic they will continue cleaning the solutions, apply a sheet mask, LED light face mask, moisturizer and finally a sunscreen. I somehow have a vague memory of some head massage, but it very prompt. 

The first session was such a success, most of my acne clears out but my skin gets very dry since I have started to use the SA cleanser. The staff did ask me to use the cleanser as necessary and to apply moisturizer a few times throughout the day but I didn't really understand the consequences. I thought I was doing enough. About a day or two before my next treatment, I realized that my skin did become so dry. The second session uses mandelic acid, as salicylic acid will be too harsh on my dry skin. Mandelic acid reduces my acne but it doesn't actually clear it like the first one. It keeps one being like that, not clearing the acne totally, even on treatment that I actually uses the salicylic acid solution. Bear in mind that upon doing Janus analysis, my point for oil is still high despite being so dry. 

I continue to use the cleanser diligently but my progress was so slow and in the fourth session the staff wanted me to take a short course of antibiotics and to use topical clindamycin. I notice that my skin was improving as I get the hold on the skin routine with their product but it was slow. I still take the antibiotic but for 10 days instead of two weeks and apply that topical clindamycin (I always forgot though). By the sixth session, my acne was well cleared and I was supposed to do the medium peeling treatment but the TCA solutions finish. Instead, I did derma pen treatment. 

As for my Janus assessment, most of the criteria they analyze improves. These criteria include oil counts, UV spots, pores and other things that I forgot since I usually focus on these three only. I do like this analysis session as they will also explain what I should do more in my skin care routine. There is this one period time where I wore sheet masks rather diligently and the oil count drops a lot. #hydrationisindeedthekey

Since they use a sheet mask that needs like only 20 minutes, the facial treatment session itself usually lasts no longer than an hour. Klinik Dr. Ko uses their mix of these powders which is sort of like a clay mask that needs a longer time. What really struck me is that I can see an even better outcome with only one salicylic treatment with Klinik Dr. Ko than the one Hanna Medispa. Was it the thorough extraction? The soothing mask? It is definitely not the medicine since it will take at least one month to show effects and the cleanser didn't have much salicylic acid as well.


Other obnoxious facts that are a bit turn-off -  

  1. If they think I needed some blackhead/whitehead removal procedures, they will suggest it but you need to pay an extra RM10. They use this machine (not that suction one) so it will be solely on blackheads and whiteheads only. During Klinik Dr. Ko sessions, the extraction was done manually and they even "clean" out acne that is suitable for extraction. 
  2. I think there are one or two occasions where they didn't put a sheet mask and you needed to pay extra if you want it. I was blown away that I went to facial treatments and there isn't a mask.
  3. A short course of antibiotics won't do anything for acne and it was absurd to start it in the middle of my session.
  4. Why did they only use a sheet mask????

People keep asking me if Hannan Medispa is good. This is my answer every time - if you have minor skin problems, like dullness, some scars etc, it will do wonders. It is way cheaper too. But for treating an acne-prone skin with breakouts, it will take time and you need to really adhere to the advised skincare routine for it to show actual work. It is also best to seek their doctor right away and ask if you needed to be started on medications.

Their facial treatment for acne is a bit superficial (?) so it takes a longer time to show effect. It also relies heavily on their skincare products instead of the treatments itself which is why I insisted on a doctor's review at the very start. The treatments help but I only gain actual trust after my fourth session (which about two months a half now) and that was when I got a hold on the skincare routine. I was a bit taken aback since I paid a lot. But it still works. There are cases of an even worse case of acne which has been treated wonderfully but that is under their doctor supervision.

Anyway, the breakout has cooled down but the scarring was pretty bad and of course the dullness. When I'm at Klinik Dr. Ko, I also use this Vitamin C powder and this hydrating treatment thingy which did wonders to my skin.  I was hoping the derma pen treatment gave some life into my dull skin but it doesn't. I was considering to buy the Vitamin C powder again but that is another RM150. I hope my next two sessions will be good.

That's it!

Do wait for my part two as it will involve other more aesthetic parts of my treatment.


One For My ARMY Heart - K-Pop Merch

Nov 1, 2019

I hope that at this stage, everyone knew that I like k-pop and I love BTS.

I have this habit to take pictures of things that I thought would be great for a blog's update yet it usually sits on my phone for the longest time. Sometimes I just deleted it. Then I got this idea to properly organized those pictures into Google drive where I have a specific folder for my blog. That way I can easily access it through my laptop and walla - now I got some free time and I am finally doing this.


part of the mini gallery

I went to this K-pop merchandise shop in Seri Kembangan called K-pop Garden Merchandise. I never knew this kind of shop exists. I only find random BTS or BT21 merchandise in some kiosks at malls. The idea of a shop solely for K-pop merchandise was quite an interesting idea for me. My cousin told me about it and I guess she got the chance to stop by since it is near our aunt's house. I went to KL the other day for this conference thing which ended at noon and took the chance to visit the shop. I was hoping to find some BTS/BT21 phone ring/stand and one big RJ plushies. I was also looking for a small netbook bag.

I found none lol.

I think there's plenty of phone ring but they didn't have that specific design that I want.


See these designs? It wasn't all official merchandise. Yoongi looks so cute lol.

The shop itself is quite modest. I was thinking something chic like a mall's shop but it wasn't even well lighted or air-conditioned. It's not bad of course, I was just not expecting it to be that modest. But their collections were amazing. They got plenty of stuff from lomo cards to t-shirt, assortment of keychain design, really cute tote bags, albums, tumblers, and even BT21 plushies!

The designs were amazing too. I keep on glancing at Blackpink's merchandise because they look so cool and beautiful. I asked the shopkeeper and it seems like she runs the shop with her sister like for years now and the shop was initially in a mall (I forgot which mall). I have also asked if a big RJ plushie is available and she says that she can order it for me and it can be an original one from LINE or a fake one from Chine but it will take time. Probably applicable for other items too.


socks were like the last things I thought they will have

     


But my favorite would be these posters that they hung up all around the shop which some have signatures. It was like a mini gallery. I guess there are also stuff from fans which I'm not sure how it ended up here. I forgot to ask the shopkeeper. All and all, it was a pleasant experience. Especially in Malaysia where being a K-pop fan was always ridicule, in here it just feels like a normal thing. Just a girl liking songs from a specific boy band.


These are what I got. The lomo card was stashed somewhere in my drawer but I wore that ARMY bomb keychain on my work lanyard together with my work ID.









Acer One 10 (S1003-1671) Tablet Review - My New BFF

Oct 23, 2019

By the time I started this post, I just finished Zodiac (the movie, not the book) and I have also finished the Kite Runner yesterday so now I'm feeling that gaping hole as we resume life without me needing to catch up on those two very interesting things. My body is tired, as always, which means I don't feel like doing anything physical but it is also too early to be sleeping. It wasn't even nine. So I thought, hey, let's get on to that one review that you should have done ages ago now.

Alas, I only publish this like two months after starting the post. haha.




In the spirit of wanting to blog more, I decided to buy a tablet so that I can easily carry it everywhere but I specifically needed it to support keyboard assembly. It can't be too expensive since I just need it to write on the go and watch Netflix comfortably. The not too expensive bit was a bit of a wild dream and it was hard to search for review that shows if a tablet can work on Blogger platform. I was so sure that I would buy Mi Pad but apparently, it wasn't licensed under Mi Malaysia which means a sample of it wasn't made available in their branches. Then I stumble onto this fella, Acer One 10 (S1003-1671). 


that charger head for size comparison

another size comparison and showing you it can be detached

To be honest, I'm not quite sure how to really word out the name. The name is a bit weird, isn't it? Is it one or ten like get it together, please.

I bought it on the 19th of March so I have been using it for about six months now.

So what is it? 

It states that it is a tablet/laptop but it is more of a really good netbook/tablet actually.

Anyway apart from the ease of a screen touch (lazy me is happy), I actually bought it for three main reasons which is actually a wonder for a mere RM1099.




The not so mini but mini size
The 10-inch screen is so satisfying. It gave a good wide look of the blog and even better-viewing experience yet still a good size for ease of portability. It fits into my work bag and only weighs about 1.3kg. I thought of forgoing the keyboard if I wanted to travel with it since it is still a comfortable size for me to use the virtual keyboard but apparently it doesn't bother me at all plus it is a really good stand.

It supports Windows 10 
What this means is that it will work like a laptop. It was equipped with the function of a laptop which means it will still give me that laptop vibes when I update my blog plus the familiar interface made it easy for me to navigate through the folders and stuff. I needed that laptop vibes when I update my blog or else it didn't feel as accomplished. I'm weird like that. It is also equipped with Microsoft Office (the mobile version) in case  I needed to do anything that requires it (which I still don't, just fyi). The Windows 10 interface is also a big yay because I don't like it much seeing an android interface on a tablet. It looks tacky somehow.


Window 10 interface on laptop mode 

Window 10 interface on tablet mode


The drawbacks?

  1. Sound - It is barely audible if you're online like watching Netflix or hearing to Spotify. This is, however, can easily be fixed with the help of a Bluetooth speaker since I don't like to watch movies with earphones. If I'm watching offline, I'll use VLC player which helps in giving a louder volume.
  2. Can't support android -  I can't use android apps at all. It only supports those from Microsoft Store which is so limited. I am quite annoyed that there isn't any aesthetically pleasing note-taking or diary apps available. I have also tried android emulator and it won't run it.
  3. Long battery charging time - I think I have only seen it fully charged if I left it charged overnight. I'm not quite sure how many hours but I guess it needs a solid five hours to fully charge it. It can last about three hours or more on a fully charged battery, even longer if I'm offline.

I got so used to the screen touch that I sometimes "tries" to scroll my laptop screen using fingers too. I looked stupid.

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