Being More Present In Life Writing Challenge

Jun 19, 2021




Living alone and not being able to hang out with my friends kinda makes me feels detached from life. I went into work, went back home, eat something in between, sleep and repeat. Even sleeping feels surreal. Then during off days - trying my best to gather whatever left in sense of taking care of myself to do my laundry and tidy up around the house. I do make a point to do more cleaning around the house since finishing any cleaning-related task always makes me feel good.


So in the spirit of wanting to actually feel good, I have also been wanting to write random stuff daily just to get my writing's gear moving. Writing makes me feel good. I've always wanted to write random stuffs happening in my life just to get this sense of presence but when I'm actually on my laptop, I just blanked. To help me with that, a writing challenge is surely the best way to go. Not to mention that I also love reading this kind of writing. Sometimes I will do random blog-walking to find these kind of blogs that share their daily lives. This is actually the main reason that makes me stays in the blogging world.


However, since I can never find any decent writing challenge that I like - I'm making one for myself. It's going to be a 30 days challenge and it was meant to be written day by day. No skips whatsoever. Some of the topic will be repeated just to have some sense of comparison.


I'm loving this challenge so much alreadyyyyyyyyyyyy.






Notice - If I'm writing in the morning, then I'll write about the said topic that happened on the previous day. If you want to do this but you're not a working person, just change it to whatever thing you're doing currently. Like if you're just staying at home, just change it to what did you do at home today. The main idea is simply to be more connected to your daily life.


Day 1 - How today's morning looks like before going to work?

Day 2 - What did you eat today? Do you like it?

Day 3 - What did you do at work today?

Day 4 - Three words to describe your current job

Day 5 - My current Netflix's watching list

Day 6 - A detailed explanation of how your night went - by the hour

Day 7 - Your current morning drink

Day 8 - A recap of the last three days outfits

Day 9 - Any fictional characters crush? Discuss!

Day 10 - Phone check! Whatsapp wallpaper, phone's wallpaper and phone's lock-screen. Why did you choose those?

Day 11 - Check your Instagram and tells a recap about 10 latest IG stories from peoples you've followed

Day 12 - Current skincare products used

Day 13 - How today's morning looks like before going to work and compares it with Day 1

Day 14 - Any good thing you've been doing for the environment

Day 15 - How grocery shopping looks like for you?

Day 16 - Shares us three of your most played playlist (either Spotify or Youtube) that you 

Day 17 - Your last day out before PKP restart again

Day 18 - What did you do at work today?

Day 19 - Throwback your academic background - put some insight on how you remember yourself back then

Day 20 - Your favorite desserts/snacks - include favorite shop or brand

Day 21 - All about laundry

Day 22 - Your current monthly bills - DON'T SHARE HOW MUCH IT ACTUALLY COST, just tells what it is

Day 23 - What's in my bag and my car #lol

Day 24 - A recap of the last three days outfits

Day 25 - A short review of the last three movies you've watched

Day 26 - Ten public Twitter's account you've followed - you can choose who you want to tell about and tell us why you followed them

Day 27 - Your favorite singer/band - go madly in love

Day 28 - Hair care!

Day 29 - What did you eat today?

Day 30 - How are you feeling after writing all of these?








Six Months Into Retail and Having No Friend

May 4, 2021

I had a major problem at work and the problem still persist until further notice. It was frustrating especially when I'm being taken advantage of and I'm really not having a good Ramadhan too. It was tiring too and even more tiring to try to be more positive that I just stop thinking positive and just go with the flow. It wasn't helping at all that my friends who happen to work with the same company as me hardly responses to my venting and now I get this nagging feeling in me that simply questioning our whole friendship which has lasted a little over a week now. Am I simply overthinking this and being dramatically insecure? Most probably. Does my friend deserve me to be like this? Well, not really I guess? Plus they might not even notice since we didn't live close by. I can gather enough reason to avoid meeting them. There are some other personal issues that I rather not disclose here but I guess everything is taking too much of a toll on me. Plus, I'm hungry.


This is me venting.


We are in the last 10 days of Ramadhan. It feels surreal especially when you're working  2pm to 10pm about four to five days per week and having no friends to hang out with during the weekdays. I don't even have time to hang out during the weekday as my free time is in the morning and I spent it "conserving" my energy to work my evening shift. I think mid-Ramadhan I just give up and sleep after Subuh and just wake up late. I get to spend the second weekend of Ramadhan going for iftar with a friend of mine. I spent my last weekend at my aunt's house where I sleep, eat, and watching tv shows. But being back to my work is literally a slap to reality. 


I'm an ambivert. So although it is still comforting to be living alone, I still needed company at some point. I also need PKP to end so I can take my much-needed break from work.


My thoughts are all over. 





There are things I'm still so grateful though. Like I went out with my cousin and she knew good places to shop and I got to buy this beautiful pajama set and pleated shawl that was so cheap. She even treated me to this cute cat cartoon printed mask from Watsons and I finally get to buy a good serum to include in my skincare. I finally meet my sister last Saturday and it was just so good seeing a family during these times. I got to play with my other cousin's cute twins too. The twins have started to be more comfortable with me so now I can hold them without them crying lol.


I do love working in retail pharmacy despite feeling this exasperated. Getting to interact with customers and the challenges that come with managing it is so refreshing and rewarding. I just hated the fact I have so many evening shifts and that since we're new, we didn't get much customer so it gets bleak at times. 


We are understaffed so I had to do a full-day shift for the first time last week. I dreaded it so much but thank god a friend of mine came in. He wanted me to teach him stuff since he's doing locum. It was nice seeing him after so long and it gets the time moves faster. There are finally peoples applying for the vacancy here but I'm not sure how soon they can start working but I'm just grateful knowing there's an end to this. Also, my skin is doing a whole lot better too and I'm excited for my facial session this Thursday. We also get free chocolate moist cake yesterday!


A friend from my old hospital is coming to stay with me for a couple of days since she's doing a locum after Eid. It kinda worries me because I've been so used to living alone but I know it will do me good to break the monotony so I'm also quite excited. My sister is booking an AirBnb for us to chill during Eid as we can't go home. I'm so looking forward to that too.


It has been six months already. I'm starting to become more familiar with this new place and becoming more familiar with the routes altough I did get lost yesterday trying to find KK Mart. I learn better from mistakes anyway.I tend to talk too much which makes me feel like I'm overcompensating so I wanted to work on that. I notices that I get better now at explaining stuff to my customer so that I appear more confident.  My newest staff has this childish and a bit ignorant behaviour which also exhibited on my last staff which I dreaded so much. I was so grateful when she was quitting but I can't keep on hoping that the staff that I'm not in favour of to just quit. Now I'm learning to be more accepting and trying to  work around it. I decided to take it as a challenge in order to get me more flexible in training my staff.


Now, I'm just trying my best to do my fast and waiting for Ramadhan to end so I can correct my sleep schedule and not feeling drained all day long. If anyone reading this feels the need to judge me, don't. You'll just sound like those anti-vaccines peoples that are so stupidly ignorant it hurts. 


No, scratch that. Those peoples does not hurt me. It makes me feel like hurting people-

Why Did I Bought Matebook D 15 by Huawei?

Mar 17, 2021

I bought a new laptop rather impulsively last November. Coincidentally the old computer that had just been installed at my new workplace was on the verge of a total malfunctioning. It was one of those "the stars have aligned" moments although one of the most important reasons I wanted a new laptop is just so that I can have a better experience watching Netflix. 


It helps a lot at work too.


Anyway, we already got a new laptop at work, so, there's that.






I got myself Matebook D 15! It was such an exciting purchase after my thorough research especially since I put a budget of 2.5k. That has really limits my choice considering the specifications that I want. This post was originally supposed to be a review of the laptop but I feel like reviewing a laptop needs to be more informative so I thought I will simply do the "why's" I finally ended up buying it. Plus, this way it will reflect better on my needs from the laptop. 


If you're here to learn more about this laptop (it kinda weirds me out knowing there will be random peoples reading my blog instead of my blogging friends only), I think you needed to know what kind of person who's using this laptop just so you can get a better understanding of my view. 


I mainly use my laptop for Netflix and blogging. I hardly use it for work since I did all my work on my work laptop. Having said that, work stuff mostly only needs me to go online and probably some Words and Powerpoint which is still achievable with a basic laptop. However, I do need it to at least be able to run some basic video editing software because I sometimes do simple video editing. I think that was it for background information, lets get on to the main points!


Brilliant Screen


My old laptop is very old. I had it like 10 years ago and my only goal is for it to be able to run Words and Powerpoint. The screen wasn't as bright and if you're watching movies with dark cinematography, you'll end up watching your reflection most of the time. So this is my main concern and since I don't know anything about display technology, I went directly to a PC shop to have a look myself. The screen was bright and the color was brilliant. Not to mention the screen is 15.6 inches! It was so satisfying. However, I'm not sure how it will look like under the sun which I have been aware to be not so good from my research. I'm already using the highest brightness indoor. There's another model that has a greater display which I have forgotten which but it will cost me at least another RM700 so I settled with this to be the best within my budget.






Thin and lightweight



Lightweight is more of an added bonus for me. I know I'm not going to be bringing my laptop to places but I don't want to feel like a strain if I want to use my laptop while lying down. Plus being lightweight also means I'm getting a thinner laptop which is what I needed more. I don't mind if it's heavier. Just make it thin. I want it to be portable and feel comfortable with it. This laptop is a big win in that section being only 1.53kg. I can simply pull it out and flip it around and thus feeling more portability out of it.


Good processor


This is important since I do want this laptop to be able to at least do some simple video editing. I usually use VSDC and was hoping to maybe use Photoshop or something. I might not ever actually do any of those but I want my choices to be available. This was such a big setback for me because I was looking for at least an intel core i5. There are probably other Intel processors that work for me but these things are confusing so I just settled that it must be at least an intel core i5. That however is quite costly as well. That was when I learned about AMD and how Ryzen 5 is on par with intel core i5. This laptop uses Ryzen 5. So I'm currently sitting at 8GB RAM and 256SSD which is good for me especially since I usually only stream shows instead of downloading or gaming. I have a vague memory that the processor can be upgraded but the storage can definitely be upgraded. Ryzen 5 won't be that good for gaming but it might work out better with Ryzen 7 provided that you get more storage of course. I think there's an advanced version of this model that comes with  Ryzen 7 and 512GB SSD.


Fancy design


I've been living with an ugly laptop for 10 years. The design was quite nice during the old days and I even get those fancy laptop stickers that totally rocks but the time has changed. Matebook D15 is definitely a catch in this point since the design tries to mimic Macbook. Metallic built, minimal design, that fancy Huawei words, sleek keyboard, 87% body to screen ratio and my utmost favorite is of course the fingerprint reader unlock option. It just looks so cool. However, the webcam placement is on the keyboard. There is an extra button between F6 and F7 that will pops out of the camera when pressed. You'll end up with a low-angle video, but I don't ever use those, so I don't mind. But the quality is still decent.


Cheaper by RM500 


The average price is around 2.5k which fits my budget accurately. I was planning on buying it at Lazada provided it must be from a shop that I can directly go to if I have any problem. I found a seller based at Plaza Low Yat. I think there's another seller which cost a bit more but I can get some good gifts as well. I was really only aiming for the backpack. However, since it was 11.11, the Plaza Low Yat ones got a major discount and it ended up only cost me 2k! I saw the discount notice before 11.11 and thought to myself that this is too good to be true but it indeed is and that was how I ended up buying a laptop in the middle of the night. The packaging was good albeit the seller sent it out a bit late.





Other miscellaneous reasons 


The battery lasted longer than I have anticipated like I can still watch two to three episodes of anime on Netflix with battery saver mode on and as I have said before, I always use full brightness mode. It uses a type C charger so it is a whole lot less bulky and I can use it to charge my phone as well. I was worried earlier that a type C charger will make it longer to reach full charge. I usually just leave it charged for few hours or so. Since it has that battery protection thingy, it will stop charging automatically when it is full. But I never leave it overnight or anything. The sleek keyboard is not only cool to look at but also has a  good feel to it. There was some heating complaint but I've been writing this for almost two hours already on my lap and it was fine. The sound was loud enough and it doesn't break even when I'm using VLC on full volume. 



 That was it. Feel free to ask me anything if you want to know more.


10 Minutes Quick Writing

Feb 22, 2021

 I need to be in my car and drive to work in exactly half an hour and I haven't even dressed yet but I have taken a bath. I feel like I need to write something seeing how dull I have been feeling for the past week. It started with my three day holiday because I got a day off during Chinese New Year. I can't go home but I was ready to chill and just do some catch up with my current animes or Criminal Minds (I have indeed starting to watch Criminal Minds for season one) but it turns out as a disaster.


IT WAS SO HOT


I get sweaty all day long and keeps on waking up at night because it was too hot. It wasn't as hot in the morning so then I end up sleeping until 11 or 12 pm and the cycle continues for the three whole days that it seems surreal to get back at work on Monday. But it's okay, I got an air cooler that keeps on leaking so much water, and decided to just use the fan mode. We only have three staff currently so I will be doing evening shifts most of the time and that's just worn me down and did I tell you how HOT IT WAS THESE DAYS??? 






It wasn't helpful that I didn't get good sleep for a couple of day so now it was harder for me to fall asleep. I think it was last Wednesday that I got so tired that I fall asleep early but end up waking up at 3.30am but I can get back to sleep so I legit got up, tidy my room a bit, put on a sheet mask and just scrolled TikTok until 630am in which I feel a bit sleepy so I go back to sleep but I still keep waking up and got up at 930am.


The fan mode chills the room a little and turns out I need to keep the window open so that it can operate better. But I force myself to sleep on Friday and woke up early on Saturday. Went for a massage, finally fixed my door knob, and figure out what's wrong with the air cooler (apparently a tube was disconnected so I just plug it in). I got a really good sleep yesterday and make a good breakfast though I keeps on scrolling TikTok so now I need to go and get ready but it feels good to write this.


BYE!


Things I Want to Change About Myself?

Jan 31, 2021

I literally just thought about this. It was the usual realization of things "I should have done" that I only got the time to really ponder deeply about it now that PKP has started again and I have all the time to myself. 




Talking about PKP, what's with the 5K cases? The daily deaths too. This feel so out of hand. Like for real, I'm going to actually continue writing my Covid-19 Diary series cause it seems like we are going to be here for a while.


Anyway, back to the title, this isn't supposed to be a dark thing whatsoever. It was more like things that I have always been conscious about but not too much but still, doing something about it might be a good thing considering I'm two years left to go into my thirties. I might still not doing anything after this but I feel like writing and writing have always been my safe place.


Bodyweight


My body weight has been increasing since forever. I've never considered dieting or exercising because for the most part of my life I wasn't exactly fat thanks to my height and stature but now it seems like those can't help me anymore. My cheeks are literally falling out of my hijab lol. Do I hate it? Not exactly. My only problem is that I can't really rock outfits that I think look so cool but won't exactly work if I'm not thin enough. 


It might hurt my chances of getting a guy but these outfits thing is my main issue now. Plus I'm getting older and having some more movements out of my daily life might help me not being a burden when I'm older. I hate being a burden. It makes me anxious.


Skin routine


My acne is acting up, and the mask is just making it worse. I decided to retake Accutane again. Even with the vaccine coming up, there is still a long time for us to spend being vigilant so yeah the mask might stay for a little longer. 


Then I also realized that I have a really bad habit at skincare. I mean I do them but for the most part of it, I still pick at my acne, and recently, I have been doing such a good job of not doing my skincare routine. Mostly because it got so discouraging how oily my skin gets afterward and nothing seems to work off my acne. It was taking so long to heal and the mask keeps on ruining the already slowly healing acne. I'm getting better at it though since I change some of the product and limit to three items only. 


Daily routine


I think I need to add a little something to my life. Make it more stable and fulfilling like those aesthetically pleasing "daily routine vlog". Since we are in the Covid-19 season, my current life includes work, fyp, animes, and tv shows. Although I have exactly no problem doing those things as I chilled after a day of work, my soul kinda craves something more. 


It wasn't about having a purpose in life because I have long settled with living a carefree and chill day to day life but I guess a little something more would help me not getting bored easily. I've been feeling good lately since I started my new work so I guess I just wanted to use this energy more.





That was it. It was rather a short list now, doesn't it? Now I'm not sure what's left to say anymore. Although there is one important change I need to do that is simply hurting my ego yet I just have to do it. 


Have you guys ever heard how bitchy Digi is when their users want to change telco? I have experienced it first hand and it was so obnoxious that I vowed not to use them ever again. 


Guess what telco has the most speed in my new place?







p/s - today is supposed to be a chill Sunday but why is it so hot!


Hannan Medispa Review (Part Two)

Jan 3, 2021

The dalgona coffee that I drank last night has made it hard for me to sleep and I keep waking up the entire night but I still feel refreshed this morning. It's already 8 am but the weather wasn't as bright as it is still raining which actually started around 1a.m. . I'm a bit dreaded to expect the pool of water on the road that will surely give me anxiety. 

Anyway. I need to write something because I need a change of pace and I thought that this is the time I finally write Part Two of my Hannan Medispa Review 




It just occurs to me that I have forgotten most of it and that I have changed my purse to a smaller one so I'm not sure where the heck is my Hannan Medispa's appointment card that wrote the last three types of treatment. There are going to be so many holes in this review so I am sorry in advance #lol.

First thing first, recap! If you've read my first review, you would realize that I have six sessions for acne and two sessions for scars/pigmentations. But since the acne healed well by the fifth session, they change the sixth acne treatment into something appropriate for my skin which in this case, an extra session for my scars/pigmentation. So this review is going to focus on that three-session regarding the scars/pigmentation.

The three sessions include a trichloroacetic acid peeling and two derma pen session. The derma pen session uses different solutions which I can't recall exactly what I have used. I think one of them includes salmon DNA something with Centella and the other one is vitamin C, I think. I'm pretty sure it was vitamin C cause I remember precisely associating vitamin C with the stinging pain afterward. Yup, definitely vitamin C.

The TCA session was great. My skin peels for a week and it was super dry but it greatly reduces the pigmentations and my skin tone looks much toned. The old scars are still there but I loved seeing how healthy and glowing it looks. I knew I will take forever to write this so I make a thread on Twitter about this as the peeling go. Please read the thread if you want to understand my TCA peel process better. The short story version is it basically means my skin dries and peeled off and it works.

I did the peel in January and I should have one-month downtime before doing my next dermapen session but then PKPB happens. So it was once the PKPP started, which was months afterward, that I did my dermapen but the result wasn't as pleasant. Bear in mind that I needed to wear a mask all the time at the hospital and plus the stress kinda gets to you. It didn't occur to me at that point that my breakout was coming at me again and the dermapen can't be as successful because the micro-needling kinda causes me acnes. 

It wasn't a full-blown breakout but still. Anyway, both dermapen causes skin purge but the second one kind rose into a mild breakout although initially, it has healed nicely. I think I did something that causes the breakout but I'm sorry I just can't share any good results from the dermapen sessions. 

Needless to say, since the covid is staying for a while, I've decided to restart my Accutane. I'm still searching for an easily accessible clinic near me and lowkey decided I might just take Accutane for the rest of my life.

Now that sounds depressing. Maybe until I decided to get kids. I need to get married first. That sounded like a long time to go.
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