Things I Want to Change About Myself?

Jan 31, 2021

I literally just thought about this. It was the usual realization of things "I should have done" that I only got the time to really ponder deeply about it now that PKP has started again and I have all the time to myself. 




Talking about PKP, what's with the 5K cases? The daily deaths too. This feel so out of hand. Like for real, I'm going to actually continue writing my Covid-19 Diary series cause it seems like we are going to be here for a while.


Anyway, back to the title, this isn't supposed to be a dark thing whatsoever. It was more like things that I have always been conscious about but not too much but still, doing something about it might be a good thing considering I'm two years left to go into my thirties. I might still not doing anything after this but I feel like writing and writing have always been my safe place.


Bodyweight


My body weight has been increasing since forever. I've never considered dieting or exercising because for the most part of my life I wasn't exactly fat thanks to my height and stature but now it seems like those can't help me anymore. My cheeks are literally falling out of my hijab lol. Do I hate it? Not exactly. My only problem is that I can't really rock outfits that I think look so cool but won't exactly work if I'm not thin enough. 


It might hurt my chances of getting a guy but these outfits thing is my main issue now. Plus I'm getting older and having some more movements out of my daily life might help me not being a burden when I'm older. I hate being a burden. It makes me anxious.


Skin routine


My acne is acting up, and the mask is just making it worse. I decided to retake Accutane again. Even with the vaccine coming up, there is still a long time for us to spend being vigilant so yeah the mask might stay for a little longer. 


Then I also realized that I have a really bad habit at skincare. I mean I do them but for the most part of it, I still pick at my acne, and recently, I have been doing such a good job of not doing my skincare routine. Mostly because it got so discouraging how oily my skin gets afterward and nothing seems to work off my acne. It was taking so long to heal and the mask keeps on ruining the already slowly healing acne. I'm getting better at it though since I change some of the product and limit to three items only. 


Daily routine


I think I need to add a little something to my life. Make it more stable and fulfilling like those aesthetically pleasing "daily routine vlog". Since we are in the Covid-19 season, my current life includes work, fyp, animes, and tv shows. Although I have exactly no problem doing those things as I chilled after a day of work, my soul kinda craves something more. 


It wasn't about having a purpose in life because I have long settled with living a carefree and chill day to day life but I guess a little something more would help me not getting bored easily. I've been feeling good lately since I started my new work so I guess I just wanted to use this energy more.





That was it. It was rather a short list now, doesn't it? Now I'm not sure what's left to say anymore. Although there is one important change I need to do that is simply hurting my ego yet I just have to do it. 


Have you guys ever heard how bitchy Digi is when their users want to change telco? I have experienced it first hand and it was so obnoxious that I vowed not to use them ever again. 


Guess what telco has the most speed in my new place?







p/s - today is supposed to be a chill Sunday but why is it so hot!


Hannan Medispa Review (Part Two)

Jan 3, 2021

The dalgona coffee that I drank last night has made it hard for me to sleep and I keep waking up the entire night but I still feel refreshed this morning. It's already 8 am but the weather wasn't as bright as it is still raining which actually started around 1a.m. . I'm a bit dreaded to expect the pool of water on the road that will surely give me anxiety. 

Anyway. I need to write something because I need a change of pace and I thought that this is the time I finally write Part Two of my Hannan Medispa Review 




It just occurs to me that I have forgotten most of it and that I have changed my purse to a smaller one so I'm not sure where the heck is my Hannan Medispa's appointment card that wrote the last three types of treatment. There are going to be so many holes in this review so I am sorry in advance #lol.

First thing first, recap! If you've read my first review, you would realize that I have six sessions for acne and two sessions for scars/pigmentations. But since the acne healed well by the fifth session, they change the sixth acne treatment into something appropriate for my skin which in this case, an extra session for my scars/pigmentation. So this review is going to focus on that three-session regarding the scars/pigmentation.

The three sessions include a trichloroacetic acid peeling and two derma pen session. The derma pen session uses different solutions which I can't recall exactly what I have used. I think one of them includes salmon DNA something with Centella and the other one is vitamin C, I think. I'm pretty sure it was vitamin C cause I remember precisely associating vitamin C with the stinging pain afterward. Yup, definitely vitamin C.

The TCA session was great. My skin peels for a week and it was super dry but it greatly reduces the pigmentations and my skin tone looks much toned. The old scars are still there but I loved seeing how healthy and glowing it looks. I knew I will take forever to write this so I make a thread on Twitter about this as the peeling go. Please read the thread if you want to understand my TCA peel process better. The short story version is it basically means my skin dries and peeled off and it works.

I did the peel in January and I should have one-month downtime before doing my next dermapen session but then PKPB happens. So it was once the PKPP started, which was months afterward, that I did my dermapen but the result wasn't as pleasant. Bear in mind that I needed to wear a mask all the time at the hospital and plus the stress kinda gets to you. It didn't occur to me at that point that my breakout was coming at me again and the dermapen can't be as successful because the micro-needling kinda causes me acnes. 

It wasn't a full-blown breakout but still. Anyway, both dermapen causes skin purge but the second one kind rose into a mild breakout although initially, it has healed nicely. I think I did something that causes the breakout but I'm sorry I just can't share any good results from the dermapen sessions. 

Needless to say, since the covid is staying for a while, I've decided to restart my Accutane. I'm still searching for an easily accessible clinic near me and lowkey decided I might just take Accutane for the rest of my life.

Now that sounds depressing. Maybe until I decided to get kids. I need to get married first. That sounded like a long time to go.

One Month Into Being A Manager and Having No Friend

Nov 29, 2020

I have been blessed with two very good staff in my first time ever being a leader of a place. It is only one pharmacy but still, I am so thankful although there is a lot of work since this is their first-time-ever working in a pharmacy.





I did meet my sister last Monday and had a good lunch with her and I am envious that the place that we ordered in is too far away from my place. A friend of mine had an interview somewhere here last week so I got to meet her and finally able to eat at this beautiful book cafe. I also got the chance to meet a couple of my friends from my previous hospital and went to this amazing cafe that has beautiful art pieces all around it. I was thinking to do some cafe hunting series since it feels safer to share those now seeing how public this place is so there are little chances for you guys to actually guess where I am staying lol.


All of these meet-ups require planning because I have lost my luxury of spontaneity. Everyone is at least a 40-minute drive away and are only available on weekend. I do have ONE friend that lives close-by but he, being a man and also with a girlfriend although we don't understand why he is being so secretive about it, is not the kind of spontaneity that I can splurge on. Plus he is such an annoying person I genuinely don't understand why I called him a friend.


Anyway, it's not like I got lonely or anything. I finally get to sit and finished my anime and I also just finished The Haunting of Bly Manor which is so good. I read though I do wish I will write more instead. I do have a list of small projects that I need to get on but just don't feel like it yet. So yeah, it feels even more lively to do these while still feeling accomplished at work.


Tomorrow will mark my first month of working as a community pharmacist and I have spent this weekend staying home and just chilling. It feels good to rest knowing you have been pouring a good and honest work for the week. I remember feeling that I need to do something productive over the weekend just to feel like I do something with my life but I simply take a nap in the evening today and not feeling like I wasted the time upon waking up.



via GIPHY


There are some flaws here and there that I notice plus the fact that I need to do some work over the weekend because it was told so last minute but you win some you lose some. Although I do make a mental note to do just a bit over the weekend and do the rest tomorrow when I went back in. Someone commented in my last post to work smart and play hard so heck yeah I will.


I miss my home. It has been a while since I went home due to PKPB but it doesn't feel as bad as before. I don't know if it was because this is our second time at PKPB so I just got used to it or because I feel better with my work so it didn't weigh on me much. I wonder when I can go home.


My new laptop has finally arrived, and it has been such a lifesaver since the PC that they installed at work was a faulty one. They need to buy a new one if I'm not mistaken so that will take some time. Oh, that reminds me that I need to do a review on this laptop. I even subscribe to Microsoft 365 and all.


I'm starting to get the hang of this new routine which includes not buying Cappucino every day, nasi campur for life, and the fact that Petronas near my workplace make such a delicious croissant.


I hope PKPB ends soon so I can go home next week or else I can visit those workspace cafes and finally write that long-postponed part two review of my Hannan Medispa's experience.

Ending My Three Years Service With The Government

Oct 30, 2020

As of today, I am officially resigned from government service. 

I'm not sure why my, now previous, unit's leader still puts me in the list of peoples who were taking off days. I still haven't left my work's WhatsApp group. I was thinking to leave it when I officially start my new work. I hope she realizes that my resignation has officially started today. 

Anyway.

I have moved out of my previous rented place yesterday and have now comfortably settled in my new rented place. There is some stuff I needed to buy which has been easily acquired thanks to the fact that I now lived in a more developed place. But sadly, it seems like my bed slats are falling off and now being held with a pair of chopstick, a pencil, and a paintbrush plus it seems like I might have broken the washing machine by simply using it (the other tenant has just used it and it works just fine).




There is some stuff that I bought in which delivery has been delayed due to PKPB. I hope my friend has picked it up and now I'm setting up a plan to meet her tomorrow although we just did an actual farewell yesterday. Since I can't cross states, I can't go back to my hometown, so there are high chances that I will still hang up with them during the weekend #lol.

A colleague of mine asked me how I was feeling leaving all those three years the day before my last day at the hospital and I genuinely don't know. I just say "ask me again tomorrow".

Funnily, my last day is the same as my, now ex, Ketua Pegawai Farmasi so it was a good distraction. 

I had a week worth of holidays which I was supposed to be spending it at my hometown only to be stuck with PKPB but somehow managed to spend every day of it eating out and spending time with my friends so now suddenly. being in a new place, all foreign and alone, just hit so hard. 

It was so different from my old place but in a good way. It is a really good housing area and it is a bit far back and gated so there are only residents cars going about here which makes it more peaceful. My room is smaller but it was more "chic" and I have a tall window that brightens the room so well. I just love the sunlight so much. 

I have visited my new workplace and thank god the signboard is up. I'm going to be a community pharmacist in a newly opened branch here. I'm not sure if they have already stocked up the place because it seems like their HR has been too busy to enlighten me but all is well. 

I'm scared, to be honest. I'm venturing into something so foreign and unsure. There is this big responsibility I need to hold and I'm doing this all alone, far away from my friend and family. But at the same time, all of these excites me. Those three years in the government hospital have served me well but it got so mundane. Now, I feel refreshed with life. Like I can start a new me.

Pray the best for me.


via GIPHY


p/s: I'm a contract-based worker. If you don't realize it by now, the pharmacists and the doctors in Malaysia are now being hired on a contract basis. For the pharmacists, it is a three-year contract and that was it. However, due to Covid-19, those who have been hired during 2017 have been given an extension of six months contract. As my three years contract ended, I did a month from those new six-month contract and then I resign from it. Some of my friends didn't take those six-month contracts and simply being let go. Now you know it.

A Day in My Pharmacist Life

Sep 8, 2020

There is this one time, my friend asked me what I'm going to do that night. It was such a weird question because it was the regular weekday and I'm like "Nothing?".


I just got into work today after a week worth of holiday doing practically nothing at my parent's home. I played games, cooks, cleans, eat and watch anime. So my Monday blues was heavy but somehow I feel like I need to write so here is a story of how today went which is almost the same for every day.


I stayed at a rented house that I shared with another friend of mine. It was about 20 minutes drive to get to work. I usually wake up at 630 am. I always wanted to wake up earlier but I only really wakes up when the clock hits 630 am. I did my Subh prayer, make a cup of coffee, and prepare to work. I usually get some bread for breakfast the day before but I didn't have anything today so I make a stop at Shell and get myself some Gardenia waffles and milk. Sometimes I'll get my bread from the bakery. Most of my colleagues usually buy something along the way as well and eat it at work. But since we don't really have an allocated time for breakfast, it was a bit tricky so I prefer something easy like bread or kuih instead.






I work at outpatient pharmacy department which means our service is at the counter from 8am to 5pm to cater patients that come that day. We have island dispensing systems which mean there is separate counter and we will cater a patient's prescription step by step or in this case, counter by counter. The first counter will screen it and transcribe it into the system (if they have one). The next counter will fill the medication needed and give it to the next counter who will label everything. Then it will be countersign before we pass it to the next counter to be dispense. 


I was stationed at labeling today which is so rare. I usually did the first screening or dispense. There were plenty of patients so I was practically glued to the chair. While doing that, I will also make sure that everything was chronologically ordered and to make sure that no patient gets stuck somewhere. It was quite an uneventful day since usually any problem will be settled by the first screener. 


My colleagues asked me to put on Spotify while we work and she told me about some of Yuna's song that she liked. It seems like Yuna's self titled album debuted 2012 suits me better. I recently changed to Celcom which has better coverage. Previously, they had to listen to my offline playlist which have rather randomized songs lol.


We ordered food delivery for lunch almost every day. There are two persons currently who are regularly available and they will deliver it right to our doorstep. Today's menu is ayam masak lemak with sayur campur. Sometimes if we got too fed-up, we will go out but that is a rare occasion since we always indulge our laziness lol.


We have clinic days about three to four times per week. Today's clinic is surgical which usually didn't have many patients. Apart from clinic days, we will also cater Jabatan Pesakit Luar (which operates on weekdays from 8am to 5pm) and also the emergency department. So today's patient is mostly from Jabatan Pesakit Luar. Since this is a district hospital and we have few klinik kesihatan, we usually cater about 200 to 250 patients per day.



Pharmacist GIFs | Tenor



Apart from working at the counter, each of us has our own portfolio. For me, I am in charge of Value Added Services. What it means is that we provide some services that will ease patient's medicine collection process. Other portfolio includes stock control (with different classes of medications handled by different persons), managing drug's supply for patient that wanted to take their medicine in other KKM facilities, counseling, adherence clinic, manufacturing, and many more that is just too complicated for me to explain.


These portfolios all have measurable data which is how we keep track of everything  and thus detecting any issues and coming out with a solution. Since it is early month, we need to key in these data so whenever I got some free time, I will calculate everything and keyed it in. I also wanted to do some changes in how I want to keep track of one of my service so I went around the pharmacy and explain to everyone because I wanted to make sure everyone really, really, understand it. 


It was a rather uneventful day. We would sometimes faces some weird issues but everything went smoothly today except for this one patient that tells two different stories to us and the doctor. It was annoying. Sometimes patient will think a medication is superior than the others and they will have these preferences while omitting other medications which is what happens with this patient. If such things happen, we will have to explain to the patient that their understanding is wrong. Sometimes they admit they are wrong but sometimes they will just continue doing it.


Our main Value Added Services is Collect and Go. It basically means we packed partial supply beforehand so we can dispense it quicker when the patient come to take their monthly supply. I was going to that in the evening but only managed to do it not even halfway as when need to attend a presentation did by our fellow colleague at 3pm. It seems like this week willl have daily presentation by our warfarin team. The presentation lasted for an hour. Mind you that the counter is still open so we had to juggle between serving the counter and hearing the presentation. But we usually have fewer patients in the evening as most clinic appointments is scheduled in the morning.


I finished work at 5pm and make a stop to buy dinner. I cooked sometimes but I mostly have takeaways or went out with my friends. The traffic was surprisingly heavy and I guess I was tired that missed a turn so I only reached home by 6pm. 


I played a lot of Calls of Duty mobile nowadays and since I feel so tired, I will usually scroll Instagram or TikTok and then go to sleep. Sometimes I will catch-up on my Netflix or watch anime but I usually will be too tired to focus. 


Narqes Skinttelligent (medispa) Review

Sep 1, 2020


I want to make a short and concise update but I can't plus there's a major borderline depressing plot twist in the end, so, yeah, there's that.


So sometimes in July, Narqes emailed me asking if I could do a review of their services and I was like "hey, this is the new medispa at Manjung!" 


I don't know what they saw in my blog but I just can't bring myself for payment when they asked me what the price is. I just settled for free treatment. I am just immensely thankful to get the chance to try another medispa for free. If you've read my review of Dr. Ko Skin Specialist and Hannan Medispa, you would notice that my review isn't those commercial-ish ones. I don't get anything from it and I just wanted to share my experience so this is going to be just like that as well.



Anyway, my skin hasn't been well. Let's do some recap. 

I got recurrent breakouts especially around my jaw and chin area mid-MCO which is so hard to heal as I'm wearing a mask all day long. The mask makes it damp and the friction hurts my skin. About a month into it, I focus on hydration and I am able to heal it and new ones only pop out once in a while. When RMCO started I went to Hannan Medispa and did ASA on active acnes so that I can be prepared for my next derma pen session. That derma pen was in early July. I'm still rather conflicted with the derma pen result but that's another review for another time.


About two weeks before going into treatment at Narqes, I notice that my face get more oily than usual and my face was still a bit burned due to our Penang trip. Not only that, I also have these tiny acnes around my lips and it was so alarming because I never had those. 


I was a bit worried to go to Narqes knowing that my skin is just so bad. I was having mini breakout around my jaw and adapalene helps to lessen it but there are still plenty of it. Not to mention, I'm only doing one session so I am not going to see much difference but I went anyway.





Some background information about Narqes Skintelligent (NS). 

The founder of NS is a pharmacist named Narqes Raimi hence the name Narqes. I think she had some cooperation with Hannan Medispa early in her medispa career but then branches out and open her own. Their branches are located mostly in Selangor, two at Kedah and the newest one is here in Manjung, Perak. They also have a branch in Uttara Dhaka, Bangladesh. Apart from medispa treatments, they also have their own line of skincare products and provide antibiotics as well (or at least here in Manjung they gave doxycycline).


I was greeted by their therapist named Sabreena. The doctor in charge of Manjung's branch wasn't available that day. I told her about my current skin concern and my last medispa session (with Hannan Medispa) and was reprimanded when I admitted I didn't wear my sunscreen that day. I am so sorry lol.


I was supposed to get my skin analyzed using their machine called Clreo but that thing throws a tantrum and just won't start so I couldn't do it. It was a bit of a bummer but it was rather okay since I'm not looking for further treatment at the moment so I didn't really need the back-to-back comparisons. But if you do take a package and doing a series of sessions, I would strongly suggest getting your face analyzed before your first session.





It seems like the type of treatments available is almost like Hannan Medispa except that I was told that the way their acids/formulation or something is probably a bit of a different mix. After looking at my skin, the therapist suggested two of NS Signature's treatment which is diamond silk peel and acne peel. 


The treatment process starts per usual with cleansing. Diamond silk peels is a microdermabrasion process done after steaming our face. The treatments generally kinda scrap off but gently, your outer skin layer, and this also cleanses your pores. It wasn't painful at all. It feels like cool watery mild suction and once the process finishes, they show you how much the dirt they pull out. I forgot to take a picture but their Instagram stories shows it which is just like mine was. What's interesting is that they did upper body massage and that includes face massage too. Although they did tell they might omit face massage if the acne breakout was too bad. The massage was good but the face massgae especially was even better!


Afterward was the acne peel where they apply a type of acid on my problem areas which stings a bit but the application was only for a little while before they wipe it off. It was meant to "peel" off the acne and there are purging following it. The peel will only take effect the following day and last for a few days. The treatment continues with LED blue and red light therapy and was finished with some more massage. I love the massage so much.




As the treatment finishes, I was served some tea and biscuit. We further discuss about post treatment care. I only wash my face with water for the first three days. The part where they put the acid dries off big time and my skin starts to be flaky. My skin purges for a week but the acne clears out easily and since my skin was still dry due to the acne peel treatment, the acne simply dries off too. Although I did start to use adapalene on it after the three days finishes.


There are more tiny bumps due to purging and as you can see, my chin and jaw area are the most problematics one so the NS acne peel focuses more at those spots. You can see my skin start to be flaky and start to peel as well. My side jaw was affected too but I don't know why I forgot to take pictures. Since it is skin purging, you can see that tiny acne clears out the next day. 


I have started to go to work back which means mask on 24/7. There are less bumps and by the fifth day, it kinda looks good. Since skin purging means the activation on any going to be acne, I can feel like my chin are cleansed (?) except for the ongoing purge.

It was borderline depressing seeing how bad the purging were and I was excited that by the end of the week, the purge improves a great deal and I love seeing my skin without all the pores sticking out. The microdermabrasion effects glows better when my skin aren't too dry anymore. I only uses sunblock, cetaphil, moisturizer and adapalene during the whole week. 


Not let's get into the plot twist. The very next week, my jaw starts to have more breakout and I was so confused because it was like the purging ones but it didn't go off as easily. I was having doubt that my skin would purge again after the previous one has healed well. One thing to keep in mind is I am wearing a face mask all day long. But it seems like the purging heals quite nice despite wearing a mask all day long. However, this time, it just keeps on worsen like legit no acne in the morning, acne in the afternoon. I was losing my mind. I don't know what causes it as I was only doing the very same thing until it hits me that I use my brother's sunscreen while at home during the weekend as I forgot to bring mine with me. It was ONE TIME. I rarely went out of the house during the weekend but we out for lunch, so I need to put on sunscreen. 


But then does that one thing really did me badly like this? I'm started to think my skin has become another level of fuckedupness. I mean why my skin first of all why was it so oily even with all the moisturizer I've been wearing? I am so tired at this point.






In conclusion, my skin acts again but Narqes did a really good job. But facial treatment can only last depending on how frequent you did it and also your basic skincare routine. I'm yet to find a good routine to suit this Covid-19 situation. I think the bad sleeping pattern and also my poor eating habit has also worsen the condition, so the tricks I used earlier as MCO started isn't enough anymore. So now enjoy the improvement of acne despite the purging but not really completely improved as my skin breaks out again. I'm starting to think that I'll just live with it. At least I am wearing mask 24/7 now.


Anyway SHOUTOUT TO NARQES for giving me free treatment and grab their first trial RM99 promotion for signature treatment before it ends!