un bébé

Realization. The Harsh Truth.

Dec 31, 2013

this post here. is a messed up one. started with a confusion. and slightly to a conclusion.

"Allah, i am very sorry. i am too ignorance"

i pray to Allah. please let me be able to study better so that i can score 4flat for my exam. so with it, i could be a better pharmacist for my community. i pray that this is my jihad. my ibadah. and hope that Allah will accept that.

but, during this study week, i feel like i have lost the motivation to study.

i didn't push myself to reach as much as possible in one day

when stuff get complicated, i can't find myself to take effort to indulge into textbooks.

i reads manga and play game too much.

i wake up so late cause i couldn't sleep early.

and the worst thing is, i got so much that i didn't covered yet but i feel NOTHING.

yet i keep on praying like that. it kills me when day by day, i am still like this. and then i started to wondering. why Allah give me this?

when i pray Asar today, as usual, after solat, i will do my "doa". but this, it's quite special since i just watch this video by ustaz nouman ali khan on his tadabbur al baqarah sentence 186.

watching it, i try to be focus and to realize that Allah is actually there listening to my petty doa.

suddenly, it struck me hard. it struck so damn hard when i realize that, what i'm praying for, my doa, is a selfish doa. my doa it solely for the better of me. for my future life. though i am convincing myself NO, it is an ibadah for Allah. yes, my intention is that my study will be my ibadah. but, i realize that i am making excuse for myself. i thought that i can skip on doing all those ibadah sunat since well, this is also ibadah. i'm doing all the wajib one's and thought that that was enough as i get my study to back me up. but i was wrong.

ibadah is something that you can't expect anything from it worldly. it was only between you and Allah. it can't benefit you in any way possible except that it will raise your status *insyaAllah* before Allah. that what makes it so hard to have your whole mind into it (kusyuk). we are doing things that benefit us in the way that we know but we can't see or even imagine about it. we, human, are so hard to be stisfied with things that we can't reach. we can't "feel" how actually our ibadah would do us so much in the life hereafter. a life of eternity. well, at least i am. not saying everyone are the same. feeling such, i feel this emptiness in my ibadah. i simply done as it is compulsory.

very little iman of me, yet i ask for such excellence in life. i only eligible to ask for His forgiveness to all my sins. but, Allah was so great. We know all His sifat and 99 names of Allah BUT the real meaning of it was beyond our imagination. when we say Allah is Very Forgiving, the forgiving of Him would never be anything to be compare with all sort of forgiveness in this world all combine together. This is one of the many reason Allah is one and only God that we HAVE to worship.

which i have failed greatly. i wanted my study to become an ibadah yet i ask for blindly asked for my study to benefit my future life. how is it Allah gonna accept it as an ibadah? i rarely do ibadat sunat taking that i am too occupied or too tired with my study. though this, doing ibadah sunat would really test my faith for Allah. doing ibadat sunat, thing that would greatly benefit us, with all sort of rewards, yet we can see it. and to make it harder, since it need to be done with your free will. this is the proof how little iman i have.

this is WAR. the real war that I need to fight. i can't be fighting for my brothers and sisters who have their life being taken simply because the believe that the TRUTH is Allah is the only God exist. i can't YET fight in that war before i win this one.

and hopefully, by Allah merciness, that Allah accept our ibadah and then He will give lots of thing for us to enjoy even in this fragile. But, at that time, maybe everything would be a wonderful thing to us. We will enjoy everything that Allah give. the good one, or the bad one. we have so much iman, that we trust Allah so much, that we know that Allah give us only the best. if only we know how to take it. no more emptiness except this urge to do more ibadah. we careless about others except how to get Allah to be pleased with.

Roll On : Fun Stuff bout My Header

Dec 23, 2013

that picture header of mine,

was taken inside Sungei Wang Plaza. never go there anymore. too expensive and boring too.
the watch i wore have gone. now got Superman logo on it.
the blue orange phone case was changed. new one way cooler.
i never wore that purple tudung anymore since i got new one. better one.
the balalaca bag, got shoes that i just bought that day. and i just know yesterday that the shoes have terkopak. due to my sister extensively wearing it to her class.
i even changed my spectacles. and it cost me only RM88. must be the cheapest i have ever bought.
the shoes that i wore that day also have terkopak. haha. why all my shoes ended up like that. but better lah since it is a very good excuse to throw it. :P

#moral of the story, time passes and lot of thing changed. though simple stuff like dis. and time passes so fast and a friend of mine told that it is actually sign of The Judgement day is nearing. i never knew it though. hmm. how prepared are we? :(

Roll On : Rolling Rolling

gahhh.

here some fun stuff.

i notice i get depressed regularly. and it is actually my very own PMS. knowing that ease me since i know that i'm not that pathetic of a person to be negative and stuff. huh!

the reinvent thing. it failed badly!! i readjust it by having to wake up earlier than usual (though got times still failed) and reward myself to sleep back (LOL)

the idea is, i need to pray Subuh earlier!! i'm going to reach that point where i quickly pray after Azan. Pray for me !!

furthermore, it is rather imposible for me to sleep early. the idea for me to get up early is to sleep early. but then i was too busy. sometimes, due to groupwork and meeting, i even only get to my room past 11. *excuses?

i try to read yasin daily, and also now try to read al-mulk before sleep. i hope i can make a habit out of these. the problem is, when i got my period, i become clueless of what to do. they say do zikir. but with iman like mine, it hard to get into it you know.

ok. i just thought of this. i need to read islamic books!! yup! got tonnes of it. set 10 minutes for it at each solat prayer. >.<

bout the zikir thing, i think i'll go for the daily zikir. or tasbih fatimah. ermmm. it didnt much affect me, but it does make me feel better thinking that i succeded on doing it. though i know i only doing it cause Allay wanted me :)

my coursemates during mid sem exam @ first year

the reinvent thing, though it was very very good. but it is damn hard. i'm never be that dicipline people but i want to change to it. but, i need to sort out my life first. then, when i succed in this, becoming more dicipline, i'll do the reinvent thing.

my friend once say her daily goal was to be better than yesterday. i never really think hard about such word, not until when she said it and meant it. and then i realize, that is what i need to improve, to be better than yesterday.

leave yesterday stupid things we do, and change it today for a better things.

oh. yes. i'm in the middle of my study week. and i got no mood to study at all. i force myself though. and the result is a very slow pace study. even for topic that i have understand and i simple need to read it back.

haha, but i'm improving from yesterday though. well. a little.

p/s : i'm hungry, but it is already 11pm. to eat or not to eat?

Roll on : Stop Doing That !!

Nov 8, 2013

Assalammualaikum and good morning!

you know something, i used to be crazily blogging. do blogwalking here and there. chit chat over the FB with other bloggers. always make renovation on my blog. and stuff.

that is when i just joined blogging. it was after SPM and i got lots of spare time. and then get muself a work and this blog things start to become hard to commit too. after that, comes matriculation times where i rarely do any post . seeing i actually got 3++ followers (during my rajin time i always joined contest to popularize my blog) was actually hard to accept since my blog are full of nothing but my crappy thought. now, this blog seem like "hidup segan, mati tak mahu"

so, now i am quite back to blog. am i ? haha, this is quit tricky. i'm in my mid sem break so i got some spare time. God knows that i would be super busy when i start my study back.

but, i love to blog during time. it sort of, releasing my tense. very cool way to improve my writing also. though i always failed to recheck before posting and end up with lot of spelling error.

so, the "Stop Doing That !!" here might be would mean, don't leave my blog unattend.

OK NOW. THE REAL DEAL.

this list is to remind me some annoying habits of mine that kind of held me back.

Procnastination. Need to do listing and start working from that list.
Last minute work. Kind of like the first point.
Google thingsssssssssss. It is fun to know stuff, but it is too time consuming.
Leave all my new books just like that. I need to finish all of those.
Get tensed on your own. Got single room now. Quite lazy to go to my friends room. I think i need too so i can release my tense by talking and also would help my ukhwah
Think that i can do that or i'm not that good or i'm too shy or that is stupid. Cause it is NOT
Thinking too much. it really does burden me.
put my things all over the place. habis bersepah
eat too much junk food and sugar. and cold drinks. need to take care of my health.
only focus on certain class. that i'm interested only, need to focus on all and take notes!
start studying my lecture note too late. need to read it earlier so can do some clarification on things that i need to focus. can ask lecturer also.
making excuses. to others and to myself!
think bad about people. i need to have the way of think such that everyone is better than me.
twisting other peoples mind. hehe. well, only on those that i do purely for my benefit.
well, this list may go on and on

so, let us change and be istiqamah!

and nothing even feel more right that to do it Islam way!

“In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure.” -Bill Cosby

Roll on : Reinvent Yourself with a Plan and Sunnah

Nov 5, 2013

So, regarding to my previous post, i have told that i want to construct a plan that enable me to reinvent myself. the main idea is, i was hoping this plan can help me to become a better person than yesterday and here it is!

Since the explanations why i choose to do this and that were quite long, this plan may require about 3 parts. Please correct my facts if i wrong and do suggest any thing that i can do to improve myself. Thanks!!

_________________________________________________________________________

Assalammualaikum ! :)

Feeling rather great now, maybe because i have jogged this evening. My stamina was so gone, i tried to put myself as hard as i could, and it really is feel great! but, having asthma surely was not pleasant as i easily become breathless. more jogs for me then.

Ok. back to main point. this plan of mine was designed to comply with busy lifestyle as a student and my most annoying bad habit which is difficulty waking up in the morning.

First Step

To wake constantly at 5.30 am everyday. This is quite a challenge for me as i always wake up after 6.30 am. not good at all as i am very late for my Subuh prayer! but insyaAllah with istiqamah, i would be able to make this as my lifetime habit . i used to learn somewhere saying, if you manage to do one thing for 40 days straight, it would become a habit and if you maintain to do it, you will be doing it, insyaAllah, for the rest of your life. But the trick is, you have to make it is 40 days staright. if you missed a day, you need to recount / redo it.

Why i choose 5.30 am? here is where the sunnah part play.

Nabi Muhammad PBUH used to wake up before subuh so that he can do Subuh prayer on time. he would also do tahajjud first, i mean before Subuh time come, and he would sat after Subuh and recite mathurat (and maybe some other things he also do, sorry, i'm not quite sure) until Subuh time finish and about 10 minute after syuruk, if i'm not mistaken, he would do solat sunat isyrak.

Wake up at 5.30 am

Say alhamdulillah

Read doa waking up from sleep

Have a shower

Solat sunat tahajud (if sempat)

subuh prayer on time,

read the mathurat and

end it with solat sunat isyrak.

So, you might be thinking, you cannot simply jump on to wake up at 5.30 am when you always wake one hour later! Yup, i would never trust my self too, so i construct a plan to help me to wake up in the morning.

I Google some tips to help me wake up in the morning, being realistic as i am, i point out some tips which is thought would be really working out for me.

The main thing is i must have enough sleep, so i must sleep exactly at 11 pm!
Do some movement first when i wake up. the idea is, upon stretching, for example, i would feel more concious and do not sleep back. just simply strectch my leg and my hand, not like when you are warming up before doing strenuous activities. twist here and there and this would even help my blood flow and thus making me feel more awake.

Quickly have a glass of plain water. it would even make me feel more concious and also a very good habit for your health. some say it would make you look younger and prettier. :D

Since i have wake up as Nabi Muhammad PBUH did, i think it would be even better to do some practice that Nabi Muhammad PBUH do before he goes to sleep. Got this from here. Refet the highlighted parts. the part that i want to do.

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Antara Sunnah-sunnah Nabi saw sebelum, ketika dan selepas tidur:

1. Membaca Surah As-Sajdah dan Surah Al-Mulk

Dari Jabir bin Abdullah, Beliau berkata:
“Rasulullah tidak akan tidur hingga beliau membaca Surah As-Sajdah dan Surah Al-Mulk” (HR Ahmad, Tirmidzi, Nasai dan Hakim dalam Sahih al-Jami’ dan Silsilah Ahadis As-Sahihah)

2. Nabi SAW memberi peringatan agar mengkebutkan (membersih atau kibas) tempat tidur kita. Ini berdasarkan hadis:

Dari Abu Hurairah dia berkata Nabi SAW bersabda :
” Jika seseorang kalian pergi ke katil tidurnya, hendaklah ia mengibas atau membersihkan katilnya dengan bahagian dalam sarungnya, kerana dia tidak mengetahui apa yang ada di sebalik katilnya. Setelah itu ia berdoa ” Dengan nama-Mu, wahai Rabbku, aku letakkan badanku, dan dengan nama-Mu pua aku bangkit kembali, dan Jika Engkau tahan jiwaku, maka rahmatilah ia. Jika engkau biarkan lepas, maka jagalah ia sebagaimana Engkau menjaga jiwa-jiwa hambaMu yang soleh.” - Hadis riwayat al-Bukhari no. 6320, Muslim no. 2714.
3. Jangan tidur menghadap kaki arah Qiblat. Ini adalah kedudukan tidur orang yang telah mati.

4. Barangsiapa yang membaca Tasbih Fatimah, sekiranya dia mati malam itu, dia akan dikira sebagai mati syahid. Apa itu Tasbih Fatimah? Subhanallah 33 kali, Alhamdulillah 33 kali, Allahuakbar 34 kali.

Dari Abu Hurairah r.a katanya, Fatimah meminta kepada nabi s.a.w seorang khadam (pembantu) dan mengadukan bahawa beliau terlalu penat bekerja. Jawab nabi s.a.w :”Engkau tidak akan mendapatkannya daripada kami. Mahukah engkau kutunjukkan sesuatu yang lebih baik daripada seorang khadam? Iaitu, tasbih 33 kali, tahmid 33 kali dan takbir 34 kali ketika engkau hendak tidur.” (Muslim)
5. Baca 3 Qul tiup ke tapak tangan dan sapu keseluruh badan untuk menghindarkan sihir dan niat jahat manusia.

Kemudian sapu kedua-dua tapak tangan ke seluruh bahagian tubuh yang dapat dicapai, dimulakan dengan kepala, muka, belakang, dan dilakukan sedemikian sebanyak tiga kali. (Mafhum daripada hadis yang direkodkan oleh Bukhari)
6. Niat untuk bangun Tahajjud. Tahajjud adalah sebaik-baik pelindung daripada sihir dan buatan orang.

Hadis riwayat Imam al-Nasa’i dalam Sunannya, Kitab Qiyam al-Lail, no: 1763. Sabda Rasulullah SAW:
Sesiapa yang (berniat) akan mengerjakan solat malam, lalu tertidur, Allah pasti menulis untuknya pahala solat malam dan tidurnya merupakan sedekah untuknya.
7. Ambil wudhu sebelum tidur dan Solat Sunat Taubat 2 rakaat.

Sabda Nabi Muhammad SAW didalam hadith riwayat Ibnu Hibban:
Barangsiapa yang tidur dalam keadaan suci, tidur pada pakaiannya malaikat. Maka ia tidak bangun (ketika terjaga) kecuali berkata malaikat (berdoa): “Ya Allah berilah keampunan kepada hambaMu sifulan (disebut nama oleh malaikat dalam doanya ini) kerana sesungguhnya ia telah tidur dalam keadaan suci.
8. Membaca do'a tidur. Ramai orang memperlekehkan doa Masnun (doa harian) tapi hakikatnya harga yang Allah swt janjikan adalah syurga.

Berdasarkan hadith riwayat Ahmad, al-Bukhari, Muslim, Abu Daud, at-Tirmizi, an-Nasai (didalam ‘Amal al-Yaum Wa al-Lailah):

Adalah Rasulullah SAW apabila masuk tidur Baginda membaca:

بِاسْمِكَ اللَّهُمَّ أَحْيَا وَأَمُوْتُ

(Dengan namaMu Ya Allah aku hidup dan mati)

9. Tidur cara Rasulullah saw dengan mengiring badan ke kanan dan tapak tangan di bawah pipi.

Dan dalam hadith riwayat Ahmad, Abu Daud, an-Nasai (didalam ‘Amal al-Yaum Wa al-Lailah), Ibnu as-Sunni dari Hafshah RA katanya: Sesungguhnya Rasulullah SAW apabila hendak tidur, meletakkan tangan kanannya dibawah pipinya kemudian membaca sebanyak tiga kali:

اللَّهُمَّ قِنِى عَذَابَكَ يَوْمَ تَبْعَثُ عِبَادَكَ

Maksudnya: Ya Allah, peliharalah aku dari azabMu pada hari Engkau membangkitkan hamba-hambaMu.

10. Membaca Surah al-Kaa-firun

Sabda Nabi Muhammad SAW didalam hadith riwayat Ahmad, Abu Daud, at-Tirmizi, an-Nasai (didalam ‘Amal al-Yaum Wa al-Lailah), ad-Darimi, Ibnu Hibban, al-Hakim, Ibnu as-Sunni:
Apabila kamu berbaring ditempat tidurmu maka bacalah “al-Kaa-firun” kemudian tidurlah di atas penyudahnya kerana sesungguhnya ia adalah perlepasan dari syirik.

11. Maafkan semua kesalahan manusia pada kita dan halalkan semua hutang piutang sebelum tidur.

12. Jika mimpi buruk . istiqfar 3x (buat isyarat ludah ke sebelah kiri) dan balikkan bantal
Jika mimpi yang baik, buat sujud syukur dan solat hajat. Semoga Allah memperkenankan.

13. Menyapu kesan-kesan tidur pada muka dengan tangan
Imam Nawawi dan Imam Ibn Hajar meriwayatkan, sunat menyapu kesan-kesan tidur yang terlekat pada muka dengan menggunakan tangan apabila bangun daripada tidur. Ini berdasarkan hadis Rasulullah S.A.W.:

Daripada Ibn ‘Abbas RA katanya:
Maksudnya: “Suatu malam dia pernah tidur di rumah Maimunah isteri nabi SAW yang juga merupakan emak saudara beliau, lalu saya berbaring di hujung tempat tidur, dan Rasulullah SAW bersama isteri baginda berbaring di sepanjang tempat tidur, Rasulullah SAW tidur sehingga pertengahan malam atau sebelum atau selepasnya sedikit, baginda bangun, dan duduk sambil menyapu tidur (kesan tidur) dari muka baginda dengan tangan.”
(HR al-Bukhari dan Muslim)
14. Membaca do'a sesudah bangun dari tidur:

اَلْحَمْدُ ِللهِ الَّذِى أَحْيَانَا بَعْدَمَا أَمَاتَنَا وَإِلَيْهِ النُّشُورُ
Maksudnya : Segala puji bagi Allah yang menghidupkan aku kembali setelah mematikan aku dan kepada Allah akan bangkit

15. Perkara yang perlu dilakukan sesudah bangun dari tidur.

Dari Abu Hurairah r.a : Rasulullah saw bersabda, “Apabila salah seorang dari kalian tidur, maka syaitan mengikat tiga ikatan di atas kepalanya. Setiap ikatan diikat dengan berkata ‘Malam masih panjang, tidurlah’.

(a). Jika ia bangun lalu berzikir kepada Allah, maka lepaslah satu ikatan.
(b). Jika ia berwudhuk, maka lepaslah ikatan yang lainnya dan
(c). Jika ia mengerjakan solat maka lepaslah semua ikatannya (ikatan syaitan itu).

Sehingga pada pagi harinya (apabila bangun dari tidur) ia berjiwa lapang dan bersemangat. Sedangkan jika ia tidak melakukan hal tersebut (bangun malam lalu berzikir, berwudhuk dan solat) maka pada pagi harinya, jiwanya akan buruk dan malas.” [1606]
16. Bersugi.

"Rasulullah SAW, apabila bangun daripada tidur, beliau menggosok giginya menggunakan siwak (kayu sugi)"
(HR Bukhari dan Muslim)
Ini hanya sedikit sahaja amalan-amalan dari Rasulullah saw dan banyak lagi yang terdapat dalam hadis-hadis sahih yang lain. Sekiranya kita tidak mampu buat semua perkara di atas, janganlah pula kita meninggalkan semuanya. Berusahalah buat sekadar yang termampu. InsyaAllah moga-moga Allah mempermudahkan.

Peringatan : Saat Rasulullah Sallallahu ‘Alaihi Wasallam melihat seorang sahabatnya yang tidur meniarap, Rasulullah Sallallahu ‘Alaihi Wasallam mengejutnya seraya bersabda: “Bangunlah! Ini ialah posisi tidur yang dibenci oleh Allah.” (Sahih Adab Al Mufrad – Karangan Imam Bukhari)
- Secara umumnya ada 4 cara tidur...yang mana satukah pilihan sahabat semua?

1. Tidur Para Nabi
Tidur terlentang sambil berfikir tentang kejadian langit dan bumi

2. Tidur para Ulama' dan ahli Ibadah
Mengiring ke sebelah kanan untuk memudahkan terjaga bagi solat malam

3. Tidur para raja yang haloba
Mengiring ke sebelah kiri untuk dicernakan makanan yang banyak dimakan

4. Tidur Syaitan
Menelungkup/meniarap seperti tidurnya ahli neraka

p/s: Insyaallah moga-moga kita istiqamah.

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So, i also believe, that we need to know the fadhilat of the sunnah so that we can become even more determined to do it. These are some links for some sunnah that i have listed here in my plan

i would really suggest you to read http://shafiqolbu.wordpress.com/ to learn more about ibadah. It got a lot of ibadah and each of it was explained to great detail. it was such an awesome dakwah effort!

continue to next part. my eyes are tired for writing too long.