I usually write on my tablet with a wireless keyboard, but it broke recently. At first I thought it just needed charging, so I kept putting off updating my blog for a few days—only to realize it was actually broken. I bought a new one, but somehow I still didn’t get around to writing.
Anyway, my last post was about feeling tired. That was on the 1st of April, and now the month is already ending. Not much happened, which feels like a shame—there’s no way a whole month should just pass by like that. That’s exactly why I wanted to start blogging and journaling in the first place.
I did go on a short three-day trip to Kuching with my in-laws and my husband’s sister’s family—nine of us in total. It was a simple trip, but we managed to do quite a lot. It’s been two weeks since then, and even though I had a proper break, I still feel so tired. On top of that, my shoulder has been sore, and I’ve been dealing with a nagging toothache that probably needs a root canal.
I really need to get back to the gym and be more disciplined about brushing my teeth before bed. Why do such small things feel so exhausting? Between trips, meet-ups, and low moods at work, I’ve also been overeating—especially snacks. Regular meals just feel bland lately, and I don’t have much appetite for them. It’s confusing, honestly, because I’m not even losing weight.
On a happier note, my friend is getting married this Saturday, and I’m really excited. After that, I’ll head back to Manjung for a night. I can’t even remember the last time I went home since my siblings usually come over or we travel together instead. I’m thinking of bringing the kids to visit my parents’ grave.
One of my staff is leaving earlier than expected. Honestly, I’m taking it as a blessing. Having a difficult teammate is draining. The rest of the team has called him out—sometimes directly, sometimes sarcastically—but he just doesn’t seem to care. At some point, it’s almost impressive.
I think this constant tiredness is making it harder for me to feel excited about things, or maybe even to be excited at all. Everything just feels a bit heavier and gloomier. So I’m trying to focus on the good.
I met up with my friends the week before Kuching—Alhamdulillah we’re still able to make time for each other. I also finally started planning a reunion with my degree friends. It’s been about nine or ten years since we graduated, which feels unreal. I really hope it comes together.
My husband bought me a simple ring with his initial, and for some reason, it made me happier than the expensive handbag he got me. I always thought I preferred practical gifts, but this one made my heart giddy. It’s nice discovering this side of myself through him. And today, he made naan bread with chicken curry for dinner—it was so good.
Lately, kakak has been opening up to me more, sharing things that feel quite personal, even if she says them casually. I don’t know if she fully understands how meaningful that is, but I’m grateful. I don’t know if I’ll ever feel like a “good enough” mother figure, but I want her to know she can always count on me—that this is a safe space for her. It’s hard to explain that to a nine-year-old.
I also converted a series of lectures on akhlak into audio so I can listen while driving. I really enjoy learning about it in depth, but I struggle to sit down and focus at home. Listening in the car works better—even if I don’t catch everything, I can always replay it.
One day in mid-April, I went to IOI Putrajaya. I don’t usually enjoy malls, especially big ones, but having my husband drive helped. I mainly wanted to go to Nitori and Muji to get proper cleaning tools—I’ve had enough of the ones from Mr DIY and Shopee. I ended up spending around RM200 on brushes, a duster, and a mirror (the only non-cleaning item). Strangely, it felt so satisfying, and I actually enjoyed cleaning the toilet after. Even my younger self would have appreciated the quality.
I think I’ll stop here. My shoulder is starting to hurt from sitting and typing, and it’s so hot. Time to sleep—and yes, to brush my teeth first.
It doesn’t feel so bad now.
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