Roll On: My Insecurities in Blogging

by - August 14, 2017


This is a cry for help. 


Yes, fellas, you have read that right. I know I have been updating the blog so religiously this August but seriously, I never thought it's now making me feel like this. Like I am being a horrible blogger instead. This feels so horrible.

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Somewhere in the end of July, I learned that we can check SEO score. I have been reading some articles about SEO and I know the keyword part of my SEO (all that Malaysian this Malaysian that for example) had been improved but the main problem is that I can't get people to stay. I stop targeting bloggers as my sole traffic contributor and instead, also targets publics in general. Hence all the posts that contain a more maybe-publics-can-benefits-this. Plus, that SEO score thing made me realized that even though I put "pharmacy" in my meta description - I didn't write enough pharmacy material. 


Hence this leads to my first reason - I wrote so many commercial-ish posts.

 okbai funny story - I want to make a business account for my poetry account at Instagram and for that, I have to make a Facebook page, hence this. I don't even care about it anymore. Look at Eyqa liking it! I love you Eyqa you're the best!!!!
I have been writing commercial posts for a while too.


I know I'm not wrong for writing those. To be fair and honest, all those things that I wrote have been personally experienced or something that I have a burning passion for. But the rawness and pure bliss after writing a personal post is just something I have always have. Heck, the main thing I have always done. It then leads me feeling so awkward to do it back - like this post for example.


The two contrast made me feel like I'm being fake - like a person with a dual personality.


I tend to be like a moth drawn to the flame (if I got you singing then lemme know lol) each time I saw you guys writing a personal post. Especially the Chapters series by Flavnesz (her blog is such an escape)  and the life rants by Lya Amie. Even all the books passionate sharing by my favourite bibliophile - Fatina and Eyqa (I know I don't read much but I still love book's blog, kill me) too. By the way that is why I changed to this new theme (even though the old one received many compliments and just stands out). This theme made me feel my blog has turned back into my personal escape.

Even so, I still love my commercial-ish stuff. I get excited with things guys! But I rarely show it in real life. Blogging it out makes it up for me. That's why my writings were all so high spirited (or at least I think it is). Yet when I open my blog and sees the titles at a glance, I might have a slight hatred towards it. Funny thing is that when I actually read it back, I saw my excitement of the things that just make me forget that slight hatred. OH-MY-GOD Afifah you're one confusing thing!


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The worst thing is - even with all the commercial thingy - I still don't have a specific niche. It was all so random. I love blogging as it serves as an escape for me, somewhere to vent out and rediscover myself yet here I am writing about Aiken, shoes and most recently, theme park. You know why I rarely do a review or informative writings? Because you can Google it yourself. Oh yea, that leads me to my next issue.

I was so conflicted on the commercial posts to write too and now I feel more disheartened to write it. I mean, sometimes I wrote it half way and will either thought (a) this is like some promoter script or (b) I don't feel like writing it anymore but it gives me traffic. Like Aiken, there weren't many posts reviewing them and personally, it was such a good product and cheap that I have to share my experience about it. Others might not be really the same case and then I'll be into this inner conflict battle - do I have to write this? what to write? what not to write? I'm writing in English for god sake how Malaysian gonna read it up?

This one is just a joke. A big fat joke on me. I know for sure these posts will surely help in my traffic but in English? Hardly gonna make a change. It was like I want it but I don't really want it but I still want it but I don't want to really change to have it like wtf Afifah makes up your mind. What I should really do? It is all so conflicting.

All and all, it all leads to this me, questioning myself, all the freaking time - what kind of blogger am I?

p/s - yes I need comments, inputs, help me, SOS.

yeah baby me too T_________T
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23 comments

  1. Hey, you dont have to be insecure. Just have some courage and step forward. Maybe you should slow down comparing yourself with anyone else. That's the key. It will make you feel low, buddy. Stay you stay amerzing.

    AMERZING (https://ameridzuan.blogspot.my/)

    ReplyDelete
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    1. hey, these are actually good advice. thanks!

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  2. Niche memang penting utk satu2 blog tp kalau masih belum jumpa tak salah pun nak post entri yang kita suka kan. Bg kak ana, as long kita selesa why not kan. Tp kalau kita aim nak jd kan blog as source of income, then those niche, Seo, bla bla bla need to take into consideration.

    Cuma bab blog in Eng tu kalau kak ana, kak ana rasa ok je. Semua org pun baca. No worry about it. Just go on blogging in Eng.

    Good luck Afifah ❤

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    1. omg kak part english tu akak buat saya rasa senang hati sikit haha. ni pon maen publish tak recheck grammar. banyak nau salah nya. and thanks for your input about niche too. betul jugak, berbalik pada saya, selesa or not, suka or not, takkan nak paksa diri kalau tak suka ye dak.

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  3. xpe.. even x aa niche blog pun tp if awak still up entry hri2 inshaAllah pv okay.. teruskan berblogging ye.. btw umur kita sma. 1993 kan?

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    1. awwhhh, thanks <3

      haah, 1993. did I call you kakak ?

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  4. Uh, I thought I could handle some light SEO, but I'm having trouble appearing ANYWHERE when I try to Google my blog. I gave up with SEO. I failed miserably. I need to learn with someone who knows how to play with SEO, though.

    http://panphila.blogspot.my

    ReplyDelete
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    1. that's exactly why having people stays on your blog is important. it will help in this.

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  5. Is this what they called identity crisis? It's fine if you don't have any niche. From what I've read in your blog, you are in the 'lifestyle' category blog. You covered on a lot of things. Instead of tackling something from niche perspective, I suggest you focus on branding instead. Afifah Adnan is your brand! I was a content editor for a social media app so if you need some suggestions or need some thoughts into this kind of content creation of sort. I'm all ears.

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    1. omg Ally you're my guardian angel! I think I'll be asking you some questions later on. I do think branding myself is the way to go so you pointing it out makes me feel so much better.

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  6. We are probably in the same boat. I used to have this same question but then I kinda resort back to my first intention of writing blog - well, it works for me because I do not really like to categorize myself into one certain niche lol. I mean, (don't take me wrong but) is it important to declare a niche for your blog? ;-;

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    1. The issue about niche is that it is the best branding effort. Like when you introduce a public figure you won't be saying everything he had done but you'll say one most important thing first. Like introducing Vivy Yusof it will be about her fashion moghul-ness. It was more on setting a place for me. In blogging I'll be judged by my writing only so what I write matters. Yes, I do believe I have no specific niche since I simply do whatever (which means a lot of different things too lol) that I want.But I want to take my blogging world into a new stage. So that's why I thought I have to improve my niche, better content, more PV. It was more like a self project for me. So for that, it is important. However, Ally's opinion is good for me. Branding myself instead of a specific niche. It works well with my randomness. Haha.

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  7. Dear afifah,

    Can i say i like your writing style? I mean it.
    As a blogger we cannot deny traffic is important but dont let it be the sole reason for us to write.

    Having a niche and target audience is a good thing but we still can blog personal things once in a while like you already did.

    Cheers,,

    spitoutkata.blogspot.com

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    1. Can I say I love you for liking my writing? Thanks for this reminder. It kinda reminds me how what matter is that I love to write. Fullstop.

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  8. well, just write whatever you want, suit your taste first.
    don't compare too much with others , and Amer is right ... stay you, always.
    and I don't find difficult to read your blog, moreover I love it T_T,
    learn lots of English grammar and writing here.
    cheers.

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    1. Awwwww, thanks. I truly appreciate this. What amer says it true, simple reminders but sometime we just need someone to tell us back.

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  9. Afifah, your writing is definitely..how to say? Awe-inspiring! I love your writing so much. *walaupun jarang komen, kita selalu baca blog awk senyap2👀*

    I agreed with you. Niche, seo are all important but in the end of the day, it's all on us. We need to love and enjoy what we write and that is more important than anything ✨

    Why I did not know your fb page?? Okay like sekarang! Wait a minute, kenapa dia kita tak follow blog awk ni? Ergh pelik.

    Fatina | www.theinfinitywords.blogspot.com

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    1. awww, you're so preciousssssssssss. Thankss. Thanks for reminding me to write what I love and enjoy. It's okay that you tak follow cause now I got a confession from a secret stalker. lol.

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  10. Are you me? Lol

    I want to write personal posts like what I love to eat, my favourite books and all other boring stuff but at the same time I want traffic and these kind of posts wouldn't bring the viewers in.

    #socomplicated #bloggingishard

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    1. kannnnn, maybe I was being to self-centered kottttttttttt.

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  11. my sense of blogging also confusing. this entry sum up my insecurities too. but, im yet to put my best effort to generate traffic and all, so maybe i dont feel hard as much as you do? PV, content, SEO ni semua kerja yang makan masa, you have to be bloody hungry then you can swallow all that.

    for you, whatever niche you choose, i guess to write in english also consider as niche "malaysian english writing blog", kan? this is the reason i keep reading your post, if this is another malay language  i might not interested since lot other blog that i can read, maybe la, could be you can express and impress better in malay that i dont know yet.


    Other stuff that i find your blog is good is that you got your content, or issues, something that you really want to say instead of wandering here and there with no real purpose.

    i agree that u honestly sounds excited thru your writing. Be yourself / find yourself and let the ideas come. all the best to you.

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    1. this is by far the best comment! thanks for noticing the kind of content i have and for giving such an amazing feedback. and you're true - maybe being a "malaysian english writing blog" is my niche.

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